TORONTO – The members of the Liberal party of Canada reluctantly accepted the inevitable on Sunday, choosing Justin Trudeau as their new leader by a 20,000 vote margin over his closest comp…
Local man finishes whole baguette before it gets stale
NAPANEE, ON – Hospital administrator Justin Trawick accomplished a feat few, if any, thought possible last Saturday when he managed to eat an entire loaf of baguette before the forces of ca…
3 innings into opening night, city of Toronto remembers how boring baseball is
TORONTO – After a frenzied offseason that featured huge trades, marquee free agent signings, and an excitement in the Blue Jays not seen since their back to back World Series championships,…
Ralph Klein’s death makes Canadians think they liked Ralph Klein
CALGARY – In the wake of Friday’s passing of legendary Alberta premier Ralph Klein, Canadians from across the country have come together to mourn, celebrate a life, and praise a man they ar…
Pope Francis really hoping new job will finally get him laid
Vatican City – Less than a month since being elected as God’s chosen disciple on earth, Pope Francis said he welcomed the pressure and responsibility that comes with such an illustrio…
Toronto zoo welcomes arrival of two Chinese prisoners
TORONTO – The Metro Toronto Zoo announced Monday that they had received two Chinese inmates to carry out a 5 year sentence as part of an exchange program with the government of China. The c…
Mayor Ford unveils bold new double vision for Toronto
TORONTO – Hoping to build momentum and political capital in the new year, Mayor Rob Ford recently unveiled his new double vision plan for the city. “We’re gonna totally end this fucking gravy tra…
15-page paper apparently the only thing in local student’s life
TORONTO – Recent reports from concerned friends and family have confirmed that the entirety of UofT student Kelly Statler’s existence is evidently now being taken up by a 15-page paper on s…
Ya, you should probably start getting really afraid of Sinkholes
By a Sinkhole Hey my man, I know you’ve been worrying about a lot of things lately – sharks, parasites you can only get in countries you will never visit, and the specific contents of…
