Welland, ON – In a big win for optometry patients around the country, the nation’s eye doctors have finally come clean, admitting there is no difference between lens number one and lens number tw…
Guinness frantically publishing new world record book every time LeBron scores another basket
LOS ANGELES – Staff at Guinness World Records are scrambling to publish an up-to-date version of their record book every time LeBron James breaks his own all-time scoring record. “It was so excit…
Mom on day three of telling story about bowl she saw at store that looked just like her bowl
Collingwood, ON — It’s official: after three days, Mom is still telling that story about a bowl she saw at the store that looked almost exactly like her bowl from home. It all started on Friday,…
Report: Middle urinal thirsty
MEN’S WASHROOM – According to a recent report from the men’s washroom, the middle urinal is very, very thirsty. While it is a perfectly functional toilet — much like its left and right counterpa…
Basketball Insider: Get me out, I’m stuck inside a basketball!
Scotiabank Arena, Toronto – It’s that exciting time of year when the NBA season really starts to heat up, but personally, I wish it wouldn’t, because I’m stuck inside one of the basketballs. Help…
Avatar sequel somehow already biggest flop of all time
HOLLYWOOD — Avatar: The Way of Water, the latest blockbuster from director James Cameron, has been named the biggest financial flop of all time. It will be released later this week. The Avatar …
Trudeau: “Countries (except Canada) must be held accountable for unmarked, mass graves”
LONDON, UK — Following the discovery of unmarked mass graves in Ukraine Prime Minister Justin Trudeau showed no tolerance for Russian President Vladimir Putin, declaring “Any country (besides Can…
Five jokes only Canadians will get (because they’re all just lines from Corner Gas)
Dog River, SK – There are so many funny things about being Canadian, and most of them are jokes from the Gemini Award-winning sitcom Corner Gas. No one else around the world can understand the hi…
Student driver fails “Yelling at innocent cyclist” portion of road test
TORONTO, ON – Seventeen-year-old Alexandra Green failed her road test yesterday after neglecting to scream and curse at a law-abiding cyclist. The biker, who was safely riding on the right side …
Critics question whether new Downton Abbey movie really needed to open the multiverse
HOLLYWOOD – Inspired by hit movies like Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness, the new Downton Abbey film will introduce multiverse theory into the lives of the beloved Crawley family. The …