OTTAWA – Sources indicate Mike Duffy has finally managed to convince Bev Oda to execute one final daring heist before giving up crime for good. “C’mon, Bev, I’ve got this all planned down t…
Rob Ford stays up all night preparing this week’s gaffe
TORONTO – Sources inside city hall have revealed that Toronto Mayor Rob Ford spent the entirety of Sunday night and early morning Monday meticulously planning his next highly anticipated pu…
Author sucked into own novel wishes he was better at writing women
COUNTY OF UNDISCOVERED, ONTARIO – After being magically trapped inside his latest novel, author Kyle Rapoport maligned his inability to properly write and develop female characters. “At fir…
Fun and games continue after unpopular kid loses eye
St. John, NB – After a wayward pitch blinded 10-year old Saul Fieffel in his right eye, the students of Ms. Krougar’s grade 5 homeroom class decided to finish their softball game instead of…
Don’t be crazy, Elvis Presley died in 1977
By Alvin Priestly You know, every so often I’ll stumble across a news story about some person who thinks they’ve seen Elvis somewhere. Maybe they saw him in a blue Dodge B100 parked outside of Rh…
Martial arts film buff unimpressed by muggers’ fight choreography
TORONTO – Gary Michaels, head of the Toronto Kung-Fu Fan Club, was shocked by the disordered and poorly choreographed mugging he experienced last Thursday night. “Well first of all, t…
Crosby has head surgically removed in order to play out rest of playoffs
PITTSBURGH, PA – Following his recent concussion Penguins captain and NHL leading scorer Sidney Crosby underwent a new elective surgery this morning to separate his head from his body in an…
Even Gary Oldman’s family not quite sure what he really looks like
LOS ANGELES – Tensions have risen in the household of thespian Gary Oldman, after his wife and children realized last week that they could not offer a solid description of the Mr. Oldman’s …
Halo 4 giving gamer Call of Duty flashbacks
MANNING, AB – After sitting down to enjoy his recently purchased copy of Halo 4, local gamer Lucas Bordfeld began experiencing flashbacks to his days of game-play on the more realistic firs…
