CANADA – Reports are coming in from across the nation confirming that, despite taking more than enough time, Canada’s fathers have yet to exit the bathroom. “We don’t want to alarm anyone, …
New ‘Q’ host’s first interview will be all his former sexual partners
TORONTO – After announcing that hip hop artist Shad will be the new host for ‘Q’, the CBC has confirmed that his first interview will be every person with whom he has any sort of sexual his…
Toronto universities offer new undergrad course in Advanced Test Marking
TORONTO – In a change that University of Toronto and York University say “will better prepare students for the rigors of the workplace or something”, undergraduate students will be asked to…
‘Roommate wanted’ ad obviously posted by giant spider
TORONTO – Alert apartment hunters have notified the popular classified site, Kijiji, that one of their ‘roommate wanted’ ads has obviously been posted by a giant hungry spider. “I am …
Study: 30% of Millennials already squatting in their dream homes
MONTREAL – A new study from McGill shows that Canada’s economy may be bouncing back, finding that nearly one-third of Millennials are already illegally living in million, or multimill…
Child dying from measles just glad he isn’t autistic
TORONTO – Quarantined in his hospital room after contracting a fatal case of measles, little Timothy Bartlet told reporters how glad he was that his parents opted not to vaccinate for fear …
NYPD angered by de Blasio’s inability to stop snowstorm
NEW YORK – As New York City is buffeted by a blizzard of massive proportions, the NYPD is once again taking Mayor Bill de Blasio to task for his inability to prevent disaster. “This snowsto…
Toronto Raptors donate $50,000 to struggling, underprivileged Maple Leafs
TORONTO – Following their best start in team history, the Atlantic Division leading Raptors spent yesterday donating money and resources to Toronto’s poor, needy NHL hockey team. “It feels …
Gingerbread housing market expected to crumble
NORTH CHRISTMASLAND – A team of economists have released a report detailing an impending price drop in the gingerbread housing market. “Gingerbread families can’t afford the mortgages baker…
Grand jury fails to indict white cop for shooting of unarmed black president
WASHINGTON – A grand jury has today failed to indict Officer Thornton Smith following the high-profile shooting of a 53-year old United States president that was captured on video in front …
