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Trudeau leaves fifth unanswered voicemail offering to endorse Kamala Harris
OTTAWA – Prime Minister Justin Trudeau has reportedly left his fifth as of yet unanswered voicemail offering to “throw his weight” behind the presidential campaign of US Democra…
Canada Olympic soccer coaches win gold in “Illegal Drone Spying” event
PARIS – Following the decision by FIFA judges to punish the Canadian women’s soccer organization for illegally surveilling their opponents’ practice, the International Olympic C…
Loblaws introduces new “Bread Price-Fixing Settlement” fee to all customers
BRAMPTON, ON – Following news that Loblaws will settle a class-action bread price fixing suit for $500 million, the company has announced that all products sold in their stores will now car…
Aides explaining to confused Trudeau how unpopular leader dropped re-election bid
OTTAWA – Aides to Prime Minister Trudeau have reportedly spent several hours attempting to explain how Joe Biden, a similarly left-leaning incumbent with low polling numbers, actually willi…
Trump campaign desperately hoping Democrats replace Biden with a different frail 81-year-old
WASHINGTON DC – With Joe Biden announcing his plans to drop out of the US presidential race, Donald Trump’s campaign has publicly asked the Democrats to nominate a similarly ineffectu…
Canadians fail to notice difference as global IT outage disrupts airlines, banks, health care
OTTAWA – As a global tech outage disrupts operations in multiple industries, including airlines, banks, and health care, citizens across Canada have reported assuming that the poor service …
Biden assures Democrats COVID diagnosis won’t stop him from losing election
WASHINGTON DC – Following an announcement that he has contracted COVID-19 for a second time, US President Biden has assured worried Democratic lawmakers that this diagnosis will not impede …
Panicked Ford works to resolve LCBO strike before conservative voters sober up
QUEEN’S PARK – In the wake of an LCBO strike, Premier Doug Ford has reportedly been working around the clock to secure Ontarian’s access to hard liquor, as keeping conservative …
