“Poilievre’s bill is called ‘Jail Not Bail’, but it should be something cooled like ‘Pris Not Rizz’.” We discuss the most exciting news on every Canadian…
Jays fans look to gain Game 7 edge by kidnapping beloved Seattle radio psychiatrist
SEATTLE, WA – With the ALCS series headed to a winner-take-all game 7, Toronto Blue Jays fans have attempted to gain an advantage over the Mariners by abducting Dr. Frasier Crane, beloved r…
Canada offers to support American “NO KINGS” protest, draws line at “NO QUEENS”
OTTAWA – With millions across America taking part in today’s planned “No Kings” protest, Canadians have signalled their willingness to lend support – though emphasiz…
New horror movie somehow not a metaphor for trauma
BRANDON, MB – Scary movie enthusiasts are stunned after discovering that a recent popular horror film is in no way an allegory for grief, PTSD, or intergenerational trauma. The 2025 film, N…
“Restore merit, end DEI” says man who could only get elected in Canada’s safest Conservative stronghold
OTTAWA – Conservative leader Pierre Poilievre has launched a petition to “end DEI programs and restore merit”, just months after losing his own heavily-favoured seat before runn…
New sportsbetting app boasts 80% addiction rate
TORONTO – A popular new sportsbetting app, BetDuel Sportsbook & Casino, advertises “all the fun of sportsbetting and casino slots right in your pocket, plus 4 in 5 odds of develo…
Creators of AI-generated actress unsure if coolest part is the creepiness or the stealing
PALO ALTO, CA – The inventors of Tilly Norwood, a computer generated character built using artificial intelligence, enthusiastically insist their creation is both unsettlingly lifeless and …
Entire Trump Gaza Plan just QR code linking to Nobel Peace Prize nomination site
WASHINGTON D.C. – With representatives of the Israeli government, as well as Hamas, meeting to discuss a potential U.S.-brokered peace, delegates have reportedly been surprised to find that…
Economy stalls as Canada Post strike prevents grandmothers from mailing birthday money
OTTAWA – The ongoing Canada Post strike has impacted the ability of grandmothers across the nation to send you “a few dollars” on your birthday, which has been discovered to be …
America’s influencers suspiciously all start endorsing feudalism
PALO ALTO, CA – Across the United States and Canada social media users have noticed a recent trend of influencers heartily endorsing a system of landowning elites extracting service and lab…
