TORONTO – Yesterday, seminal pop-punk act The Pressgang announced the band will reunite next February to play Elipsis – the group’s objectively worst album – in its entire…
Rogers hits customers with “entertainment tax” after wild week of corporate shenanigans
TORONTO — Yesterday Rogers hit customers with an Entertainment Tax after a wild week of very public corporate shenanigans drew comparisons to prestige dramas Succession and Game of Thrones.…
Horse cops refusing to clean up their shit feels like too easy a metaphor
TORONTO – Earlier this week Toronto city reporter Glyn Berton penned an op-ed about Horse Cops refusing to clean up their shit as a larger metaphor for the problems of policing in the city.…
Half-eaten chip bag retrieved after 8 minutes in cupboard
TORONTO – Reports found that yesterday local copywriter Gavin Issac retrieved his half-eaten family-sized bag of all-dressed potato chips exactly eight minutes and sixteen seconds after pu…
Close friend Instagram story wasted on a sunset
TORONTO – Sally Hutton was disappointed today when her crush Diego Michaels posted a picture of a sunset to his close friends Instagram story, a feature where Instagram users can share upda…
Coolest cousin ages into cautionary tale
WINNIPEG – This week 15 year old Adam Black was sad to realize that his favourite cousin James “DirtBag” Carl had aged from an ultra-cool-free-spirit hipster to an objectively sad and cauti…
32-year-old unable to commit to relationship knows exactly what pro wrestling entrance music would be
Niagara Falls, ON – While Daniel Kyle is unable to commit to a romantic relationship, the thirty-two-year-old graphic designer knows exactly what he’d choose for his pro-wrestling entrance …
Best shape of man’s life still pretty mediocre
REGINA – After six months following a carefully crafted diet plan, daily sessions of cardio, and periodic weight training, Regina resident Issac Gavin has become a moderately in shape man. …
Online persona successfully hides crippling depression
TORONTO – We are happy to report that your online persona has successfully hidden your crippling depression from your followers across social media. By portraying a heavily curated version …
Houseplant overwhelmed by task of brightening bachelor apartment
HAMILTON – A lone succulent is said to be overwhelmed with the task of brightening 28-year-old Gavin Isaac’s bachelor apartment. The nine-dollar plant was purchased yesterday from the…