MISSISSAUGA, ON – A local philosopher has found himself rethinking his active career, worried that academia may have failed him following a Sunday morning dilemma that ended with the 42-yea…
Local woman sets world record by muting group chat in .076 seconds
Local woman Kathryn Tepittin has set a world record by muting a group chat on her phone only 0.076 seconds after the initial message was sent. “The moment I saw ‘Hey guys, sorry for the group mes…
Saskatchewan residents furious over local sports network’s decision to air Super Bowl instead of 2013 Grey Cup replay
Regina, Saskatchewan – Residents all across the province of Saskatchewan are furious over a local television network’s decision to air Super Bowl LIV over a replay of the 2013 Grey Cu…
Study finds that just having 5 fucking minutes to yourself outweighs all the negative effects of smoking
VANCOUVER – A study done at the University of British Columbia has found that the negative effects of smoking are completely outweighed by the benefits of just having five fucking minutes t…
“Fuck it, put four dolphins on the cover” says exhausted textbook publisher
TORONTO – After struggling to find an appropriate visual representation of calculus that carried any sort of positive connotation, an exhausted textbook publisher finally gave up, throwing …
Poster for local comedy show just headshots of 12 people that aren’t famous
TORONTO – This month, residents have taken notice of a poster advertising a local comedy show that has appeared to litter the downtown core. The poster itself has raised more questions than…
Proposed cuts of government handouts to end free starter Pokemon program
PALLET TOWN – Today government officials outlined their latest proposed budget cuts, which included the controversial decision to end the popular starter Pokemon program. First introduced i…
Pro-gamer loses tournament after being forced to let little brother play
MONTREAL – Fortnite’s North American Championship finals came to an end Saturday night with fan favourite Corey Telline letting a victory slip away in the final round after being forced to …
Report: Most millennials wait until after the third date to be emotionally vulnerable
WINDSOR – A recent report has found that, on average, single Millennials will wait until at least the third date before deciding to be emotionally vulnerable with their partner. Take, for e…
Trendy sex store introduces ketogenic edible underwear
DIDSBURY, AB – A local sex shop is updating its inventory in an effort to meet the demands of modern lifestyle trends. Melanie Ortassia, manager of the popular adult store “Sex, Drugs, and …
