CORNWALL, ON – Signs at the City Kids Summer Camp at the Mackenzie Bowell Recreation Centre are urging camp goers to stay “four and a half bunnies apart,” and while campers agree it’s a ver…
1994 film ‘The Mask’ cited as an example of the perils of masks
KITCHENER – The anti-mask group ‘Hugs Over Masks’ is using the 1994 Jim Carrey vehicle The Mask as an example of what can go wrong when people start wearing masks. “This documen…
Buffalo welcomes Jays with ballpark renovations that include robotic fan chucking beer cans onto the field
BUFFALO – In an attempt to welcome the Toronto Blue Jays into their 2020 home, Buffalo’s Sahlen Field has added a number of details to make the Blue Jays feel like they are playing at the R…
Tooth Fairy admits she would also pay for other body parts
OSLO – In an exclusive interview with Norway’s NRK1, the Tooth Fairy, a magical being who is known for slipping into children’s rooms at night and leaving money in exchange for one of their…
Scientist invents time travel to mock people in 2016 who thought things were bad then
WATERLOO, ON – Quantum physicist Agnes Chevrier announced in a press conference today that not only has she invented time travel, but she had already achieved her purpose in inventing it, w…
Medusa makes more statues of racists to replace old statues of racists
SARPEDON – In a controversial move that has confused and angered people from all over the political spectrum, the Greek mythological figure Medusa has been replacing recently removed statue…
Local father tries to remember not to call himself ‘daddy’ when his children aren’t around
REVELSTOKE, BC – Father of three Brian O’Shaughnessy is trying hard to scale back his habit of referring to himself as ‘Daddy’ instead of ‘Brian’ in conversations where he is not speaking d…
Local man exhausted after spending whole day accomplishing nothing
CAMPBELLTON, NB – When Local man Jared Thursby’s head hit the pillow last night, it was with the weary satisfaction of a day well spent accomplishing absolutely nothing. Thursby, recently l…
Timothee Chalamet will now play every human on earth by 2023
LOS ANGELES – Following his successful portrayal of Henry V in The King and the announcement that he will be playing Bob Dylan in an upcoming biopic, Timothee Chalamet has announced that he…
Fairweather Raptors fans excited for whenever the season starts
TORONTO – From coast to coast to coast, fans of the NBA Champion Toronto Raptors who started following the team during last year’s historic playoff run are expressing excitement for the sta…