EDMONTON – Alberta Premier Jason Kenney says that Alberta’s oil and gas industry will be back on its feet after four bloody and prolonged conflicts in the Middle East. With the price of cru…
Britain resumes tradition of sending outcasts to the colonies
LONDON – British Parliament has passed a law that will resume the practice of sending its criminals, debtors, society’s rejects, and Harry to the colonies by penal shipment or banishment. T…
City that hosted 2010 Winter Olympics fails to prepare for snow again
VANCOUVER – A Canadian city that hosted the 2010 Winter Olympics has yet again failed to anticipate snow. The municipality that touted the city and area as a wintery paradise for the world …
New charity helps royal immigrants integrate into Canada’s high society
TORONTO – In response to the Prince and Princess of Sussex relocation of Canada, a new charity has been established to help the pair as well as other royals better integrate into Canada’s u…
Unskilled foreigners seek move to Canada
OTTAWA – A British and American couple, both unemployed, are seeking to emigrate to Canada despite having no real skills to offer the country, early reports indicate. British and American m…
Ontario’s education minister chastises first graders for not knowing their ABCs: “Always Be Closing”
GLENGARRY COUNTY, ON – Ontario’s Education Minister Stephen Lecce gave a stern lecture to an underperforming class of grade 1s about the business of Ontario’s education system. “I hear what…
False alarm: Employee responsible for pressing wrong button for alert resumes pressing wrong buttons at nuclear plant
PICKERING, ON – Officials at Ontario Power Generation explained that the employee responsible for this morning’s false alarm about an incident at the Pickering nuclear power generating stat…
Tories hopeful they will find ordinary, down-to-earth leader with a spare $300,000 to spend on entry fee
OTTAWA – A poll of Conservative Party members has indicated that a strong majority want a commoner relatable to all Canadians who can easily dish out $300,000 deposit for a leadership entry…
Toronto’s expensive housing market forces Harry and Meghan to consider living in Barrie
BARRIE, ON – Astronomically high housing prices in Toronto have forced Prince Harry and Meghan Markle to consider living in Barrie for their new North American home, unconfirmed reports sug…