OTTAWA – The City of Ottawa has confirmed SNC-Lavalin will construct Stage 3 of the Ottawa LRT after submitting a blank sheet of paper as a design. Despite lacking any details on trains, tr…
In lieu of speaking French, Peter MacKay to run his nails down a chalkboard
HALIFAX – Conservative Party leadership hopeful Peter MacKay has decided to stop speaking in one of Canada’s official languages by substituting his French with the screeching noise made by …
Here’s some sensational, unconfirmed stories about coronavirus because we really need the website traffic
Competing with the Sun chain of newspapers can be hard, so here are some unconfirmed, sensationalized, and flat-out wrong stories that we’ve either heard or fabricated ourselves. We know you’ve d…
Poll-leading Ontario Liberals delay selecting leader until after 2022 provincial election
TORONTO – The Liberal Party of Ontario has announced that it will hold off selecting a leader until the 2022 provincial election is over. The pocket-sized party whose entire caucus can fit …
Coronavirus inside air passenger excited about Doug Ford’s cuts to public health
SOMEWHERE OVER THE PACIFIC OCEAN – A Coronavirus cell incubating in an air passenger destined for Pearson International Airport is eager to exploit the many ‘efficiencies’ in the public hea…
Huawei paid us $150 to write this article calling for the acquittal of Meng Wangzhou
VANCOUVER – Tens of thousands of Canadians came out to a Vancouver courthouse to show their support of Meng Wangzhou after we were paid $150 by Huawei to write this article. “Free Meng now!…
Harry fired from temp job after giving too many inspirational speeches at drive thru window
VICTORIA – The Duke of Sussex’s employment at a local Tim Hortons was terminated today after he repeatedly gave customers long, uplifting speeches about their important role in society. The…
Military’s procurement of generic snow shovel 10 years late, $6 billion over budget
OTTAWA – The Department of National Defence’s procurement process to replace its aging snow shovels has been further delayed while the cost has inflated to over $6 billion. The military has…
St. John’s residents give up shovelling, build a new city on top of the old one
ST JOHN’S – Early reports indicate that residents of St. John’s, Newfoundland have given up removing snow from roads, sidewalks, and roofs, and have started building a new provincial capita…
Rex Murphy parachuted into Australian wildfires to deny climate change
SYDNEY – Postmedia columnist and professional old man Rex Murphy has been parachuted into Australia’s massive forest where support for denying climate change and doing nothing about it has …