PICKERING, ON – Officials at Ontario Power Generation explained that the employee responsible for this morning’s false alarm about an incident at the Pickering nuclear power generating station is sorry, and has returned to work pressing the wrong buttons.
“We can assure everyone within a 10 km radius of our Pickering plant that everyone is safe knowing that Mike continues to diligently press buttons on various control panels,” explained a plant official. “What most of these buttons and do-thingies activate, we’re not entirely sure, but the plant is not a smouldering crater, so it must mean we’re doing a good job.”
The entire province was woken up by the erroneous alarm causing a panic about nuclear annihilation and references to Chernobyl on social media. However OPG officials say Ontarians remain confident in their abilities to manage all of the gadgets, whistles, and horns that go into nuclear power.
“And, thanks to Mike, we now know where the emergency alert button is located,” added the official.