PICTON, ON – Legendary Canadian musician Bruce Cockburn has made good on his threat from his 1984 hit, “If I had a Rocket Launcher” and has finally made someone pay. The 72-year-old prolifi…
As punishment for ethics violations, Trudeau to receive salary through Phoenix pay system
OTTAWA – After the Conflict of Interest Commissioner found him to be in violation of ethics rules for his vacation to Aga Khan’s private island, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau will be punish…
Ottawa radio station still waiting for first caller to claim free Sens tickets
OTTAWA – Four days into a gruelling promotion, soft-rock radio station CKJP “The Buck” has yet to receive one caller in a contest for free tickets to an Ottawa Senators home game. The “Mike…
First white man to perform manual labour on CPR drives in last spike
An excerpt from The Beaverton Presents Glorious and/or Free: The True History of Canada. Available where books are sold. November 7th, 1885 EAGLE, BC — The Honourable D.A. Smith has made history …
Sir John A. Macdonald balances budget after returning empties
An excerpt from The Beaverton Presents Glorious and/or Free: The True History of Canada. Available where books are sold. OTTAWA — Prime Minister Sir John A. Macdonald has balanced the nation’s tr…
Trudeau fail: PM appoints a 205-year-old German classical composer as Chief Justice
According to every major news outlet in Canada, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau has appointed Richard Wagner – the classical composer – as the Chief Justice of the Supreme Court. Trudea…
Site C: BC NDP remind disappointed supporters they’re still committed to working with, flooding First Nations
VICTORIA – In attempt to ease some public disappointment in his decision to go forward with the Site C Dam, BC Premier John Horgan has said that his government is still committed to working…
Neighbours outraged by proposed two-storey building in downtown Toronto
An excerpt from The Beaverton Presents Glorious and/or Free: The True History of Canada. Available where books are sold. November 29th, 1834 TORONTO — Indignant citizens of the newly renamed Toro…
Chapters-Indigo to phase out books to sell more fleece blankets, reading socks
TORONTO – As of December 31st, Chapters-Indigo will no longer be selling any forms of literature, and will instead focus more on book adjacent products. Canada’s largest bookstore says it w…
Palestinians recognize Texas as part of Mexico
JERUSALEM – In response to US President Donald Trump’s recognition of Jerusalem as the Israeli capital, the Palestinian National Authority has announced that it will recognize Texas as a st…
