NEW DELHI – Prime Minister Justin Trudeau has offered Indian Prime Minister Narendra Modi a brand new Canadian-built LAV III to express his appreciation for the strong relationship between …
Grandmother watching Olympic figure skating thinks Virtue and Moir should just fuck already
CALGARY – An 85-year-old grandmother and fan of Olympic ice dancing thinks Canadian Olympic figure skaters Tessa Virtue and Scott Moir should “just fuck already.” Janice Bondar made the ann…
4 historical re-enactors interpret times of yore at Ontario PC leadership debate
TORONTO – Four Ontario PC leadership candidates brought history alive with their reinterpretation of outdated policies and archaic beliefs entertaining all those who watched. The enthusiast…
Canada wins gold in slush puddle long jump
PYEONGCHANG – Canada has added another Olympic gold medal to its count after a Toronto woman leapt a record-setting 3.21m over a large slush puddle at the Gangneung Pedestrian Crossing Cour…
Alberta escalates provincial tensions by deploying drunk Oiler fans to BC border
EDMONTON – Alberta Premier Rachel Notley has added fuel to the fire with the BC government by deploying a division inebriated Edmonton Oilers fans along the border. Some 20,000 shitfaced fa…
Dawson City River fountain deemed a success
DAWSON CITY, YT – The Yukon Government is celebrating its first successful run of a brutalist-style river fountain, which attracted the curiosity of many residents and even stirred national…
Mid-level drug dealer announces bid for Ontario PC leadership
TORONTO – A successful mid-level hash dealer named Doug Ford has announced his leadership bid for the Ontario Progressive Conservatives. The entrepreneur made the announcement earlier today…
Report: Patrick Brown regrets not having paid attention to Ontario’s new sex-ed curriculum on consent
TORONTO – Former Ontario PC Leader Patrick Brown is kicking himself after failing to read and understand the meaning of consent as described in Ontario’s sex education curriculum updated in…
Canadian excellence! Nearly 80% of the Oscar-nominated films have been watched by someone in Canada
We should all be very proud of our nation’s contributions to the Oscar nominations because nearly 4/5ths of all Oscar nominated films have been seen by someone in Canada. Yes, some hardworking an…
Ghanaian child annoyed with helicopter sponsor parent’s constant letters
ACCRA, GH – Ten-year-old sponsor child Yoofi Nkrumah is reportedly tired of the constant nagging and micromanaging of his helicopter sponsor parent. Helen Gladstone from Toronto has been bu…
