TORONTO – Four Ontario PC leadership candidates brought history alive with their reinterpretation of outdated policies and archaic beliefs entertaining all those who watched.
The enthusiasts debated from perspectives that ranged in dates from the 1850s to the early 1990s.
“Minimum wage has increased too fast for the fishmongers and haberdashers,” explained Baroness Caroline Mulroney. “A twenty-five pence increase until the decade is out is sufficient.”
Pretending to be from a time when people were unaware of the effects of climate change, all interpreters agreed that there was no need for a carbon ‘levy,’ and that the tax was merely an attempt by the Prime Minister to profit from the country’s Captains of Industry.
“T’will hurt our chimney cleaning and whaling businesses,” decried Doug Ford portraying a client of an opium den.
The hour-long flash from the past also touched on issues of the province’s corrupt morals and misguided virtues within the education system.
“Sodomy is being taught in our grammar schools!” decried Tanya Granic Allen portraying a Victorian-era housewife. “The distraction is far too much, and is hurting the children’s abacus scores.”
While some party insiders are concerned about the leaders inability to let go of the past, they have been reassured by a recent poll that a fancy hat pin is poised to beat Premier Wynne by a landslide if an election were held today.