TORONTO – The pleasant bald man from the A&W commercials is seeing your mother, but you know what? It doesn’t bother you.
“He’s a nice man,” says your 63-year-old mother. “The A&W Guy has such a big smile and he’s so warm and friendly and huggable. It’s been so hard since your father left, and I really enjoy the company. He smells nice too, like seasoning salt.”
You can’t help but agree with your mom. Despite being predisposed to hating all the men your mom dates, this one seems alright. Make no mistake, the A&W Guy is a potential threat to your household dominance, but he’s kinder and gentler than most. And he’s always giving you burgers.
Even your divorced dad likes the A&W Guy.
“I hate seeing your mom with other men, but the A&W Guy is alright. He’s like every low-maintenance buddy I’ve ever had, just a real easy-going guy. I’m not even sexually threatened by him. Probably because I don’t see fast food mascots as sexual beings. Except, of course, The Hamburgler.”
The A&W Guy has also promised to take you fishing, and unlike your real father, you’re pretty sure he’ll follow through.
When reached for comment, the A&W Guy was adamant that he had no idea what we were talking about and was getting pretty tired of every affable hamburger enthusiast who’s dating someone’s mom being mistaken for him.
