Mothers Archives - The Beaverton

Tag: Mothers

Mom cannot remember title of favourite song

Napanee, ON —Despite a concerted attempt to summon helpful memories, and numerous prompting questions from family and friends, local mom Diane Peters is unable to recall the title, artist or era …


Nation’s toddlers demand more uppies

OTTAWA – In a move that many experts fear will cause a rift in already strained negotiations, Canada’s toddlers unilaterally demanded more uppies earlier today. Talks have entered arbitrati…


Report: Oh fuck, Mother’s Day!

OTTAWA—Scientists released a report today indicating that shit! It’s Mother’s Day! Fuck, what time is it? Authors of the report further stated that goddamn it, Mom’s probably already in bed by no…


Local Mother’s Day ruined by Freudian Slip

SASKATOON, SK – Witnesses report that local businessman, Jared Rice, has made Mother’s Day intolerably awkward for everyone around him after he accidentally introduced his mother, Ruth, as …