VANCOUVER – During an announcement with Prime Minister Carney, British Columbia Premier David Eby clarified that his province’s previous anti-pipeline stance has been amended to still be anti-pipeline, but okay with money.
“For decades, British Columbians have resisted calls to build a pipeline out of a wish to protect our pristine forests, coastal waters, and indigenous communities,” Eby explained while donning a t-shirt reading ‘PIPELINE$’.
“Thanks to the MOU I’ve signed with Prime Minister Carney, we still hate everything these pipelines represent, but we welcome the petrodollars that will flow after they ram one through our Southern Passage.”
Eby went on to clarify how citizens of British Columbia will benefit from the meagre financial scraps leftover by both Alberta and the multinational oil conglomerates who export the oil. “And we British Columbians also look forward to spending decades in court suing those conglomerates after our environment is irreparably damaged by one, or more, oil spills.”
At press time, Premier Danielle Smith is reportedly making plans to start a replacement beef with Nova Scotia, just to have someone to direct her voters’ anger at.
