SUDBURY, ON – Local girlfriend Ashlynn Timbers is currently monitoring her boyfriend as he watches the program she told him was the World Juniors Hockey Tournament, but is in fact the steamy gay romance sensation Heated Rivalry.
The erotic ruse was instigated by Timbers as her boyfriend, Dereck Voss, settled in for his annual post-Christmas viewing of up to 98 consecutive hours of World Juniors hockey programming. Timbers reportedly offered to “get the Finland/Denmark game going” for him, but instead navigated her TV menu to the steamy CraveTV miniseries about two sexy hockey players who engage in escalatingly hot 1-on-1 scrimmages.
Timbers, who has been working for months to broaden her boyfriends’ horizons both sexually and in terms of streaming content, remains uncertain if her plan is working. “There’s two super graphic sex scenes in the first episode, but Dereck was half looking at his phone and either way he’s not bored. So this could totally work!”
Asked why she initiated this complex streaming deceit, Timbers explains: “Let’s just say that I’ve been, um, enjoying Heated Rivalry on my own for these past few weeks,” noted a visibly flustered Timbers. “I was hoping that Dereck might find it similarly… engaging. And that he then might invite his buddy Jason over.”
Though over an hour of sexually-charged drama has passed, Timbers’ boyfriend has reportedly not yet clocked the change in programming.
“I think this is one of those things where they profile the star players, but they’re usually not this long,” mused Voss as he munched on leftover Quality Street chocolates. “Still, this Scott Hunter guy seems like a real up-and-comer, and I can’t wait to find out what happens when they get to the cottage.”
In a related story, 32-year-old Lisa Shelmers of Toronto attempted to tune into the sexy finale of Heated Rivalry only to accidentally end up watching the entire Canada/Czechia game and growing intensely patriotic.
