OTTAWA – Newly-elected Speaker of the House Greg Fergus has moved quickly to correct the errors made by his predecessor by taking the brave step of immediately canceling all planned events in which Canada was to honour former Nazis.
“I want all Canadians to know that we have heard you and we are listening!” said Fergus as he drew a large red X through literally dozens of entries in the parliamentary calendar, “Let no one say that the Liberal party does not acknowledge and learn from its mistakes.”
Fergus’ decree has resulted in the elimination of much of the Liberal’s autumn itinerary in which scores and scores of former Nazis were to be erroneously glorified. Among those events canceled are the Third Reich Meet N’ Greet, the Don’t Ask Uncomfortable Questions Q&A, and the Whoops! All Former Nazi’s! press dinner. The package of Nazi events in 2024, which had still yet to be finalized, remains in limbo at present.
“What you have to understand is that we really like honouring people. It looks good on them and it looks good on us,” said Justin Trudeau in a rare candid moment, “but rest assured, we will now, at the very least, gently ask any European honourees if they were one of the bad guys between 1939-1945.”
“Unless it’s awkward to ask, of course,” he added.
Fergus also revealed the result of a recent audit which showed that at any one time, between 60% to 85% of members of the public present in the parliamentary gallery have been former Nazis. While many parliamentarians and their staff assumed that there was just an increased interest in civic engagement by white nonagenarians, they now admit they were sadly mistaken.
“I’m going to say something controversial here but we really don’t like Nazis,” Fergus stated, “In fact, I’m going to go so far as to say that we may never again honour another former Nazi, unless there is a really, really good reason to do it!”
When asked for comment, many former Nazis said they were disappointed with the decision since they were all really excited to attend the Conservative party’s annual brunch.