QUEEN’S PARK – Amid the Greenbelt controversy that has surrounded the Ford Government, Housing Minister Steve Clark has announced plans to celebrate the Labour Day holiday by resigning his ministry, but still keeping his seat as well as all accompanying benefits.
“Labour Day is all about recognizing the important contributions of organized labour,” explained Minister Clark in a hastily-composed press release quietly dropped on the third day of a holiday weekend.
“That is why I’ve told Premier Ford that I am resigning my high level cabinet post, in favour of working man’s position where I still collect my salary, benefits, and all other accompanying protections of a backbench MPP who may or may not know a ton about all the developers orchestrating this backroom Greenbelt land swap at Doug Ford’s daughter’s wedding.”
Clark explained that he will also observe Labour Day in the traditional way — waiting for further marching orders from the various mob-adjacent organizations who run Ontario’s construction and property development industries.
In another nod to the Labour Day holiday, Clark vowed to show worker solidarity with whichever Conservative MPP Premier Ford appoints as the next Minister of Housing, provided that colleague is also willing to play ball with the assorted plutocrats, property magnates, and well-connected businessmen who are enriching themselves by dictating Ontario’s housing policy.
“Labour Day is all about recognizing that the working man deserved a fair shake,” added Clark, “and what is more fair than rezoning valuable greenbelt land so that billionaire developers can build unaffordable McMansions 25 years from now, after the surrounding municipalities have been bled dry building all the necessary infrastructure.”
“Workers of the world unite! In a Stoufville subdivision!”
As MPP Clark will unfortunately not receive the fruits of the organized labour movement in the form of a pension, but he assured Ontarians that he will manage to scrape by with accumulated kickbacks and and construction corporation board appointments.
Reached for comment, Premier Ford replied, “The buck stops with me, but also I have absolutely no comment and I did absolutely nothing wrong.” Ford then attempted to look busy snowmobiling, despite the early September heatwave.