We got bored and ranked the Gords.
A few rules before we dive in.
1. Only Canadians allowed. Sorry Gordon Ramsay
2. We are only considering famous and/or notable Gords. So you won’t find your old neighbour Gord on here. Unless you were neighbours with Gordon Pinsent or someone which, ok, brag much?
3. All variations of Gord (Gordon, Gordie, G-Money etc.) are allowed as long as it was their first name or the name they are known by.
Alright let’s get into it:
13. Gordon Lunan (spy)
Not off to a great start with the Gords but it’ll get better. This Gord was a Soviet spy and spy handler who passed Canadian military info to the KGB. The damage he did to our country would probably have been far worse had he not been exposed by a Russian defector named Igor Gouzenko.
12. Gordon Campbell (politician)
A fairly generic right of center politician who was lucky enough to be named Gord and be Premier of B.C. during the 2010 Olympics. His smiling mugshot from a drunk driving charge in Hawaii remains the stuff of legend.
11. (tie) All the NHL players named Gord except the big one.
Spence, McRae, Kluzak et al. You all played in the NHL, which is certainly more than anyone reading this can say.
10. Gord Martineau (journalist)
The face of CityTv news. This Gord gave the news to Torontonians for decades. Think of how many Leafs losses he had to report on! Obviously he would have been higher on the list if he was the guy who said ‘this is citytv…everywhere’ but we checked and he wasn’t.
9. Gordon Sinclair (journalist)
Before our time, but his contributions to journalism in print and on tv are undeniable, even if his famous claim that the United States was a nation of selfless, charitable people only interested in helping democracy abroad has aged… poorly.
8. Gord Sinclair (musician)
The fact that the Hip had two guys named Gord is an all-time fun fact. They were destined to be Canadian legends.
7. Gord Miller (broadcaster)
A hockey commentator who appears to actually enjoy the sport of hockey? We didn’t know that was allowed.
6. Gordon Korman (author)
Did you know a Gord has sold 30 million kids books? Some of which were written when he was just a teenager himself! He is also not, as far as we know, a raging transphobe which certainly elevates him above some other kids book authors.
5. Gordon Drummond (Lieutenant Governor)
Helped win the War Of 1812, which is why we still get to make fun of Americans instead of being one of them. Thanks Gord.
4. Gordon Pinsent (actor)
Even if you were too young to see much of the stage and t.v. work that brought him to fame like we were, watching five seconds of his performance in Away From Her on Youtube is probably enough to reduce you to a puddle of tears. Possibly the best actor our country has ever produced.
3. Gordon Lightfoot (musician/your mother’s first)
The man, the legend, the Gord. His thoughtful songwriting could even turn a maritime tragedy into a classic song. No one could take heartbreak and loss and transform it into beauty like he could, and for a long time no one could throw a party like him either.
2. Gordie Howe (hockey player)
Mr. Hockey himself. This Gord played professional hockey for 5 decades from 1946-1980. He scored over 100 points in his mid-forties. If it wasn’t for a kid named Wayne Gretzky (and goalies forgetting how to play for the entirety of the 80s) he’d still own every record in the book. What a player. What a Gord.
1. Gord Downie (musician)
No explanation necessary.
OK that was fun. Sorry if we missed any Gords. We’ll try to do better next week when we rank the Barbs.
