OTTAWA – Conservative Party leader Erin O’Toole has been removed in a caucus revolt, and will be replaced by a “Fuck Trudeau” flag that one of the MPs found outside Parliament Hill.
The secret ballot vote held this morning saw the Conservative caucus vote O’Toole out, 73 to 45, whereas Fuck Trudeau Flag swept in to the party’s interim leadership with a resounding 117 to 1 vote.
“O’Toole claimed he would lead as a True Blue Conservative, but instead attempted to lead from the centre,” explained outspoken O’Toole critic Pierre Poilievre. “On the other hand, I cannot think of a single candidate who embodies literally everything that the Conservative Party stands for better than Fuck Trudeau Flag.”
While O’Toole delivered an eleventh-hour plea to retain his leadership, warning of an “angry, negative, and extremist road” that Conservatives may go down, many right wing observers say it was no match for Fuck Trudeau Flag’s concise, impassioned message.
“I never quite knew where Erin stood, but Fuck Trudeau Flag is up front, bold, and articulates precisely what I’m thinking 24 hours a day,” said MP Derek Sloan, ousted in 2021 from the Conservative caucus. “Plus, now the party’s entire electoral platform fits on a flag! Maybe Fuck Trudeau Flag will let me back in…”
“YEAH! ME LIKE FLAG!” added disgraced former Ontario Conservative MPP Randy Hillier.
Sources report that CPC party operatives discovered Fuck Trudeau Flag out on Parliament Hill, standing around as part of the large protest that has overtaken Ottawa for days. “He was just leaning up against a wall all by himself, and I thought ‘This guy’s got a message that speaks to me’,” said one Conservative staffer.
“Granted, he reeks of urine and diesel fumes, but it probably can’t hurt that he smells like our base voters.”
Still, some within the party question whether Fuck Trudeau Flag is ready for the national stage. Said another staffer, “I’m not sure if Fuck Trudeau flag knows any French, so that’ll be a problem for the debates.”
Another anonymous source worried, “A Fuck Trudeau Flag isn’t forward-looking. We need to think about the future. That’s why I’m supporting this Fuck Freeland flag.”
Reached for comment, ousted Conservative leader Erin O’Toole remarked “Alright, I’m ready for the vote to begin!”
Sources indicate Fuck Trudeau Flag is poised to clinch the Conservative Party’s next leadership race, already leading in the polls against a sentient conversion camp, a Jordan Peterson YouTube video, and 14 guys named Brad.