TORONTO – Under fire for sending in hundreds of armed police and private security to evict 25 unhoused people from an encampment in Trinity Bellwoods Park, mayor John Tory defended his actions by pointing out that Toronto and it’s public lands exist solely for the enjoyment of the wealthy.
“You don’t understand. The unhoused people we evicted are not the rich property owners who elected me,” said Tory. “Our city exists to keep people making 150K a year and up happy, and seeing people living peacefully near the path to the tennis courts was bumming them out.”
“I really thought we had made this point clear 10 years ago during the G20, but I guess we had to remind you all.”
Tory and his defenders point to the city charter, which specifically states that anyone who doesn’t pay property taxes is scum with no rights, who should wake up grateful everyday that we don’t just ship them to Guelph (which was a much longer journey back when Toronto was founded).
“We couldn’t legally create a city where only the rich are allowed to live. But over time, through housing prices, zoning laws and raids like the one we did yesterday, we’ve basically accomplished that result. Only without the paperwork! Brava to us,” said Tory as he raised a flute of champagne that had appeared out of nowhere.
Although Tory could have chosen to simply spend the hundreds of thousands of dollars used on the military style action on improvements to Toronto’s housing, he chose not to because “again and I can’t stress this enough: this city hates poor people.”
“Also we’re converting all our public housing into condos. ok Bye!”