OTTAWA – Local Senators fan Morgan Horowitz is pretty sure that his confident proclamations that this is the year the Senators achieve team success won’t make him look like an absolut…
Tag: Auston Matthews
“The Leafs re-signing their best player is bad for them actually,” says brilliant hockey sage
TORONTO – The Leafs and franchise centre Auston Matthews have agreed to a 4 year, 53 million dollar contract extension in a move that numerous experts on twitter and reddit believe has doom…
Leafs fan only wants most talented player in franchise history to re-sign if it’s at a discount
TORONTO – Demoralized and frustrated by the team’s lack of playoff success, Toronto Maple Leafs fan Mark Montrose says that if Hart, Rocket and Lindsay award winner Auston Matthews is…
Leafs fans sick of current ‘good but not good enough’ team going to love return of ‘we suck and our front office is chaos’ era
TORONTO – With Kyle Dubas out as GM of the Toronto Maple Leafs just weeks before crucial decisions have to be made about key players Auston Matthews and William Nylander, the fanbase is div…
Leafs pleased they could find a more creative way to devastate fans than just losing in first round again
Whatever city the Panthers play in, FL – Staring down a potential sweep to the Florida Panthers after turning in a truly horrendous effort in Game 3, The Toronto Maple Leafs say they are pl…
Leafs really excited to fuck this all up spectacularly
TORONTO – Still reeling off their astonishing come-from-behind win in Game Four against Tampa Bay, the Toronto Maple Leafs are showing renewed enthusiasm for the inevitable and complete collapse …
“Refs totally favour the Leafs,” says man who has presumably closed eyes, plugged ears anytime Toronto plays
CALGARY – Local hockey fan Dave Williamson believes the league’s officiating is regularly biased in favour of the Toronto Maple Leafs, apparently because he has hit himself in the hea…
Experts debate who is faster: Connor McDavid or The Sponsors fleeing Hockey Canada
TORONTO – For years Connor McDavid has been seen as the fastest force in hockey but now insiders are wondering whether he has been bested by a new competitor: the sponsors getting away from…
Report: Only way to settle Matthews v. McDavid debate is when they’re both playing for the Leafs
TORONTO – As the debate rages about who is the best player in the NHL: Auston Matthews or Connor McDavid, experts are saying there is no real way to properly settle the debate until they bo…
5 ways to explain the Habs’ success without admitting they’re a good team
With the Montreal Canadiens having won the North Division, Canadian hockey fans outside Quebec are faced with a dilemma: how can we explain the fact that the Habs did so much better than our team…