EDMONTON – Hoping to start their year-end spending early, executives from the oil and gas industry are already waiting in line outside the Alberta legislature to snag Black Friday deals on recently delisted provincial parks.
“Supply is limited so we’re urging people to line up now,” said Premier Jason Kenney. “We only have about 160 parks in stock, so not everyone will get a chance to purchase once-protected land to raze in whatever way they deem profitable.”
These doorbuster deals come following the closing of numerous Albertan parks this year. “Our parks are not for sale,” said Alberta Minister of Environment and Parks Jason Nixon, “because at prices this low we’re practically giving them away.”
Coal and lumber companies were also braving the winter weather for a chance to partake in this incredible sale. “I can’t wait to see that magical look in my shareholders’ eyes on Christmas morning when they see we now own land in the foothills of the Rockies for open-pit coal mining” said one executive in line, rubbing his hands together for warmth and also out of greed.
Some of those waiting had pitched up tents for shelter, which had many corporate shoppers wondering if they were currently on a public campground and if so, was it available for purchase?
Expecting to sell out of inventory, Kenney said “we’ll be taking preorders on land that’ll become available when we delist another third of provincial parks early next year.”
Although many have showed up for the Black Friday sale, some companies have decided to wait and splurge on the government’s Cyber Monday deals on privatized healthcare contracts instead.