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National
- National
- Local
- Toronto
- Montreal
- Vancouver
- North
- Campus
- University Reviews
- Canada Votes 2015
Budget-wise Canadian military purchases cheaper No Name missiles

Children agree not to get abducted after 8 PM so Amber Alert doesn’t wake anyone up

Government: Impoverished First Nations children clearly haven’t seen Canada’s #1 rating in quality of life by US News

Nation’s toddlers refusing to budge on no-nap policy

Woman dies from third degree burns after finding perfect shower temperature

“Don’t Walk” sign sometimes counts down to green light just to fuck with people

Male stripper’s navy uniform well below Canadian Armed Forces dress standard

Couple with great sex life looking to spice things up in the kitchen

Toronto Landlord just needs you to put a 20% down payment on the building before you sign a lease

Doug Ford demands officer who carded Masai Ujiri be allowed to march in Raptors parade

Most affordable apartments in Toronto revealed to be bathroom stalls in club

Doug Ford announces new Toronto subway lines, cancels them before end of conference

Still searching for buyer, Montreal Alouettes now listed as fully furnished

New law requires Quebec to show its racism visibly

Montreal riots after Boston loss

Groundbreaking Montreal artist shocks community by changing ‘Arrêt’ sign to ‘Art’

Local woman can’t find anything she owns despite living in 200 sq. ft. micro apartment

Rest of country to Vancouver: We get it, you have good sushi

Parents trying to decipher alternative school’s crystal-based report cards

Vancouver city council approves plan to extend SkyTrain vertically

Conservation officers safely tranquilize municipal elections candidate wandering through neighbourhood

Dempster Highway to be renamed after bread company’s sponsorship ends

Dawson City River fountain deemed a success

Whitehorse grandfather from 2075 regales grandchildren about surviving with only 2 Starbucks locations

Western University invites David Wooderson from “Dazed and Confused” to speak at convocation

Low-income student receiving free tuition to be given Ontario’s $348 billion debt next year

University-aged Buck-a-Beer connoisseurs taste the subtle hints of intoxication

University anarchist group demands dedicated unsafe space

Acadia University: The Beaverton University Reviews

Dalhousie University: The Beaverton University Reviews

OCAD University: University Reviews 2014

Ryerson University: The Beaverton University Reviews

NDP claim Liberals stole their idea to form majority government

Sun newspapers still reporting Harper majority

90-year-old who has never voted proudly casts first ballot for Social Credit party

Conservatives unveil last minute attack ad accusing Justin of supporting Kansas City
World
Belize changes national anthem to ‘Belize It or Not, I’m Walking on Air’

Trump fails to notice that Royals sent cast of “The Crown” to greet him

Volunteer announces plan to build white saviour complex in Africa

Modern-day Nazi hunter thought job would be harder

Pence assures Americans that concentration camp he just toured could never happen here

‘Recognizing fascism is the first step to combating fascism’ says man doing none of the other steps

Contrite Acosta insists given second chance he would hide Epstein’s sex trafficking completely differently

Anti-abortion politician supports exceptions for rape, incest, and being his mistress

Village virgin sick of donating blood to every ritual sacrifice

July 24th, 1967: French President De Gaulle calls for Quebec to surrender, await for international help for liberation

Portraits of Canadiocity: Martin Luther King Jr

Canadians Learn About Gandhi and Serial Killer Gilles de Rais
Sports
- Sports
ESPN returns to ignoring Canada’s existence

Nation’s loud, uninformed uncles line up to replace Don Cherry

Kawhi Leonard issues restraining order on 37 million Canadians

Raptors sweeten offer to Kawhi Leonard with 500 MB of data on Canadian cell phone plan
Business
- Business
Shoppers Drug Mart launches PC Opium Points program

Canada’s Wonderland opens tallest, longest rollercoaster line on Earth

YouTube warns white nationalist groups promoting race war that videos better not violate copyright

Woman warns coworker of clogged toilet like she shielding rookie officer from mangled corpse
Culture
- Culture
- Lifestyle
- Health
- Opinion
- Parenting
- Stats
- Classifieds
New summer episodes of The Beaverton to finally lay the smackdown on BBQs and cottage weekends

Man delighted to discover his New Yorker tote bag is the perfect size to keep his stack of unread New Yorkers

Possessed doll tired of being typecast by Hollywood

Unimaginative Alice in Wonderland School play contains total lack of psychedelic drugs

Woman killed by monster after realizing running is worse than death

Hacked psychic website compromises millions of users’ tarot card information

Two weeks into diet, popcorn ceiling looking a little too delicious

Makeup-free woman actually is pretty tired, thank you for noticing

Insurance industry warns that single-payer pharmacare could reduce their access to our money

Zombie therapist wants patients to know that they can’t keep running from their problems

Anti-vax protest cancelled due to measles outbreak

“Aspartame is bad for you,” says friend who just snorted gigantic line of ketamine

Take it from me, an opinion columnist with no expertise, the MMIWG Commission’s use of the term genocide is wrong

Editorial: It’s time we think about canceling babies

Coconut oil can solve any problem, and yes I’d like to sell you some

What the hell are YOU looking at?!

Nation’s toddlers refusing to budge on no-nap policy

Children impressed, sad at how much Dad knows about Transformers

If I do not inculcate ideals of violence and aggression in my son, how will he appreciate cowboy movies?

Baby never happier than when vomiting

86% of August e-mail traffic just duelling Out-Of-Office messages

2014 Canadian Federal Budget Preview

Most frequent lies found on online dating profiles

What are you dressing up as for Halloween?

LOTS OF JARS FULL OF APRICOT PITS.

ESSAY WRITERS NEEDED ASAP. BIG MONEY $$$$$.

UNIVERSITY student seeking mannequin to come alive and be my girlfriend.
BeavFeed
5 ways to unlock your beach body from the suitcase it washed up in!

Wellness fail! This infant thinks breastmilk counts as clean eating

QUIZ: Did you grow up watching TVOKids, YTV, or are you a well-adjusted adult that doesn’t use nostalgia as a crutch?

Zounds! Foolhardy woman to travel solo without gentleman chaperone!

You’re Jason Kenney. Can you find an excuse to get out of going to Calgary Pride?

You just lit off a bunch of fireworks before realizing you were in the Art Gallery of Ontario. Can you save the priceless pieces of art?

You magically turned into a bug! Can you live a happy and fulfilling life?

You have a chance to punch a Nazi. Do you take it?

QUIZ: Did you grow up watching TVOKids, YTV, or are you a well-adjusted adult that doesn’t use nostalgia as a crutch?

Quiz: Do you trust priests again, or are you watching Fleabag Season 2?

QUIZ: Oh God, what now?

Quiz: Hey you look like a smart person, do you want the chance to work for yourself and be your own boss?

10 things Doug Ford has already used the notwithstanding clause on

6 rugs that are actually just clothes you left on the floor

5 effortless pottery overalls worn by calmer women than you

These 5 people now live in P.E.I. because they couldn’t pay the $47 Confederation Bridge toll

How To Go Vegan…Next Week

Guide To: Edmonton

Guide To: St.John’s

How To Lose Weight
Video
- Videos
- Full Episodes
Preview: ‘The Beaverton’ Kicks Off Tuesday At 10/8atl On CTV

Woman dressed like it’s -5°c and man dressed like it’s +40°c meet for lunch

Parks Canada offering photo editing for people who want to look like they went camping

Canadians abroad continue to deny knowledge of “Steve from Canada”

Watch: Season 2, Episode 13

Watch: Season 2, Episode 12
Podcasts
- The Beaverton Weekly Report
Trans activists make absurd demand to be treated like human beings

Doug Ford demands Green Party apologize for letting Oshawa GM Plant close

St. Michael’s principal promises to restore school to acceptable levels of toxic masculinity

The Beaverton will pay whatever it takes to not see Tony Clement’s dick
The Book
Workshops

Tag: black Friday

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- November 22, 2018

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