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National
- National
- Local
- Toronto
- Montreal
- Vancouver
- North
- Campus
- University Reviews
- Canada Votes 2015
SNC-Lavalin employee retires

‘They’re heroes,’ says man who called former cabinet ministers unqualified diversity hires two months ago

Parks Canada bear employees still reporting pay problems with Phoenix

Mafia leaders granted DPA after government claims their business could lose 9,000 jobs

Worst person you know buys house

Local man blissfully unaware he’s picked as kill during every game of Fuck, Marry, Kill

Cat with twenty nicknames having identity crisis

Yes, nauseous woman is sure she’s not pregnant

Last person to use Toronto’s Union Station pre-construction dies of old age

TTC finally admits “signal upgrades” just code for Fuck Party in the subway tunnels

Bruce McArthur pleads guilty, Toronto police still skeptical

Toronto man who wasn’t speaking told to stop complaining about the snow

Groundbreaking Montreal artist shocks community by changing ‘Arrêt’ sign to ‘Art’

Third year McGill student hopes to visit Montreal someday

Producers of SLĀV cancel show to concentrate on new revue of songs of oppressed white people

Montreal’s retired Old Port carriage horses relocated to Calgary Stampede chuck wagon races

Local woman can’t find anything she owns despite living in 200 sq. ft. micro apartment

Rest of country to Vancouver: We get it, you have good sushi

Parents trying to decipher alternative school’s crystal-based report cards

Vancouver city council approves plan to extend SkyTrain vertically

Conservation officers safely tranquilize municipal elections candidate wandering through neighbourhood

Dempster Highway to be renamed after bread company’s sponsorship ends

Dawson City River fountain deemed a success

Whitehorse grandfather from 2075 regales grandchildren about surviving with only 2 Starbucks locations

Low-income student receiving free tuition to be given Ontario’s $348 billion debt next year

University-aged Buck-a-Beer connoisseurs taste the subtle hints of intoxication

University anarchist group demands dedicated unsafe space

Campus leftists under fire for refusing to engage in debate with escaped zoo tiger

Acadia University: The Beaverton University Reviews

Dalhousie University: The Beaverton University Reviews

OCAD University: University Reviews 2014

Ryerson University: The Beaverton University Reviews

NDP claim Liberals stole their idea to form majority government

Sun newspapers still reporting Harper majority

90-year-old who has never voted proudly casts first ballot for Social Credit party

Conservatives unveil last minute attack ad accusing Justin of supporting Kansas City
World
Local man starting to suspect it’s too late to ask what Brexit is

Prince Philip still refuses to give up pilot’s license

China unveils new tourism slogan, ‘Come and you’ll never be able to leave’

Chinese government incarcerates family of dead moon plant for failing the Party

Democrats pin fading hopes for justice on 16 remaining investigations

Mueller attaches literal smoking gun to report just to keep those fuckers happy

Trump late for diplomatic meeting after taking twenty minutes to put on boots, snow pants

Nation stunned to learn schools that charge $50,000 per year unfairly favour rich people

July 24th, 1967: French President De Gaulle calls for Quebec to surrender, await for international help for liberation

Portraits of Canadiocity: Martin Luther King Jr

Canadians Learn About Gandhi and Serial Killer Gilles de Rais

September 28, 1972: Paul Henderson’s goal causes World War III
Sports
- Sports
Team of Mascots arrive from the future to kill Gritty before he gets too powerful

Scotiabank Arena says ‘fuck it, 18 bucks for a bottle of water’

Edmonton expected to get hit with 10 cm of Oilers jerseys tonight

Referee reverses call after man yells at TV loud enough
Business
- Business
Barbie celebrates 60th birthday by retiring from 200 jobs

7 Millennial job-hunting strategies that aren’t just lying down and waiting for death to take you

Bombardier somehow misses deadline for train they weren’t contracted to make

Amazon abandons plans for NYC HQ after no one home to accept delivery
Culture
- Culture
- Lifestyle
- Health
- Opinion
- Parenting
- Stats
- Classifieds
- Comics
Cher re-records ‘If I Could Turn Back Time’ to reflect recent advances in entropy reversal

Police at Gambino boss murder scene sick of having to shoo away Martin Scorsese

JK Rowling reveals Harry Potter voted against Brexit

“Stupid comic book nerds,” says man who can name every Patriots player from the last 60 years

Hacked psychic website compromises millions of users’ tarot card information

Two weeks into diet, popcorn ceiling looking a little too delicious

Makeup-free woman actually is pretty tired, thank you for noticing

Addict says she can stop bullet journaling anytime

Documents reveal anti-vaccination Facebook groups funded by ‘Big Child Coffin’

Local man using cigarettes to quit vaping

Health agency brings back smallpox to teach everyone an important lesson about vaccination

Five adorable Victorian fashion accessories to go with your child’s measles

Three superhero movies this decade with female leads? What’s next? A FOURTH!?!

Now that my diplomacy career is over, I’d like to talk to you about the new Huawei Mate 20 Pro

I’m sorry, I don’t understand the question “if I was Prime Minister?”

EDITORIAL: Sex with no strings attached is killing my marionette fetish

Baby never happier than when vomiting

Sleep-deprived parent fondly remembers days of being sleep-deprived raver

BREAKING: Baby not done pooping

Son finds dad’s stash of old hardcore police chase videos

86% of August e-mail traffic just duelling Out-Of-Office messages

2014 Canadian Federal Budget Preview

Most frequent lies found on online dating profiles

What are you dressing up as for Halloween?

LOTS OF JARS FULL OF APRICOT PITS.

ESSAY WRITERS NEEDED ASAP. BIG MONEY $$$$$.

UNIVERSITY student seeking mannequin to come alive and be my girlfriend.

Bob the Angry Flower: Press This

Bob the Angry Flower: Revolt

Bob the Angry Flower: Rhetorical

Bob the Angry Flower: Bank Job
BeavFeed
Brave: Rather than settle for meaningless thoughts and prayers, this man tweeted about how meaningless thoughts and prayers are

Five adorable Victorian fashion accessories to go with your child’s measles

Harrowing: Woman trapped in store change room for three days attempting to remove ambitiously small dress

Going Public: This pensioner was overcharged on her car insurance so we brutally murdered the people responsible

You’re Jason Kenney. Can you find an excuse to get out of going to Calgary Pride?

You just lit off a bunch of fireworks before realizing you were in the Art Gallery of Ontario. Can you save the priceless pieces of art?

You magically turned into a bug! Can you live a happy and fulfilling life?

You have a chance to punch a Nazi. Do you take it?

Quiz: Hey you look like a smart person, do you want the chance to work for yourself and be your own boss?

QUIZ: Can you name any of the newly elected United States congresswomen and why not?

Quiz: Watching a Hallmark Christmas movie or trapped in an upper-middle class white person’s wet dream?

Quiz: Can you tell the difference between real Jewish holidays and ones we just made up but which might still be real, who knows

10 things Doug Ford has already used the notwithstanding clause on

6 rugs that are actually just clothes you left on the floor

5 effortless pottery overalls worn by calmer women than you

These 5 people now live in P.E.I. because they couldn’t pay the $47 Confederation Bridge toll

How To Go Vegan…Next Week

Guide To: Edmonton

Guide To: St.John’s

How To Lose Weight
Video
- Videos
- Full Episodes
Parks Canada offering photo editing for people who want to look like they went camping

Canadians abroad continue to deny knowledge of “Steve from Canada”

Blizzard Not Going To Stop Man From Barbecuing Mediocre Steak

Preview: ‘The Beaverton Year In Review 2018’ December 31 On CTV

Watch: Season 2, Episode 13

Watch: Season 2, Episode 12
Podcasts
- The Beaverton Weekly Report
Trans activists make absurd demand to be treated like human beings

Doug Ford demands Green Party apologize for letting Oshawa GM Plant close

St. Michael’s principal promises to restore school to acceptable levels of toxic masculinity

The Beaverton will pay whatever it takes to not see Tony Clement’s dick
The Book

Tag: black Friday

Video, You Have To Be Canadian To Get It: Presented by CIRA

- November 22, 2018

What is the #1 reason Canadians cry out in agony?

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