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National
- National
- Local
- Toronto
- Montreal
- Vancouver
- North
- Campus
- University Reviews
- Canada Votes 2015
Canada adds ‘will accepting you embarrass Saudi Arabia’ question to refugee claimant form

Progressive RCMP policy requires officers to recite land acknowledgement before seizing indigenous land

Report: Canadian government doesn’t need a US style-shutdown to stop paying public servants when it already has the Phoenix Pay System

CTV orders Beaverton ‘Year In Review’ NYE Special to put final nail in 2018’s coffin

Local man still slipping

Psychopath still wishing everyone Happy New Year

Female championship gamer admits she really was faking it to attract men all along

‘I’m training for a marathon’ says woman to anyone

Local man’s dog has better jacket than him

New homestyle restaurant just Lean Cuisines from the 90’s

Toronto Police ask black community to apologize for making them look so bad

Cannabis tourist expected Toronto to be cooler

Groundbreaking Montreal artist shocks community by changing ‘Arrêt’ sign to ‘Art’

Third year McGill student hopes to visit Montreal someday

Producers of SLĀV cancel show to concentrate on new revue of songs of oppressed white people

Montreal’s retired Old Port carriage horses relocated to Calgary Stampede chuck wagon races

Vancouver police say carrying assault rifles at parades is necessary to deter Ferris Buellerism

BC business leaders worry new climate plan does too much of not enough

Majority of Canadians relieved they can no longer afford to live in Vancouver

Final Vancouver election polls show dead heat between ‘Wait, there’s an election?’ and ‘Oh, that explains the yard signs’

Conservation officers safely tranquilize municipal elections candidate wandering through neighbourhood

Dempster Highway to be renamed after bread company’s sponsorship ends

Dawson City River fountain deemed a success

Whitehorse grandfather from 2075 regales grandchildren about surviving with only 2 Starbucks locations

Low-income student receiving free tuition to be given Ontario’s $348 billion debt next year

University-aged Buck-a-Beer connoisseurs taste the subtle hints of intoxication

University anarchist group demands dedicated unsafe space

Campus leftists under fire for refusing to engage in debate with escaped zoo tiger

Acadia University: The Beaverton University Reviews

Dalhousie University: The Beaverton University Reviews

OCAD University: University Reviews 2014

Ryerson University: The Beaverton University Reviews

NDP claim Liberals stole their idea to form majority government

Sun newspapers still reporting Harper majority

90-year-old who has never voted proudly casts first ballot for Social Credit party

Conservatives unveil last minute attack ad accusing Justin of supporting Kansas City
World
Chinese government incarcerates family of dead moon plant for failing the Party

Millennial taking spectre of nuclear war in stride

Egyptian museum claims dibs on Tower of London after UK falls into post-Brexit turmoil

Chinese government inviting Canadian tourists with authentic geopolitical prisoner experience

Florida man growing increasingly suspicious of the perfectly normal day he’s having

Local man finds creeping fascism much easier to ignore than he expected

Cash-strapped NRA lays off “Thoughts” department to focus solely on “Prayers”

US smock market suffers worst crash in years

July 24th, 1967: French President De Gaulle calls for Quebec to surrender, await for international help for liberation

Portraits of Canadiocity: Martin Luther King Jr

Canadians Learn About Gandhi and Serial Killer Gilles de Rais

September 28, 1972: Paul Henderson’s goal causes World War III
Sports
- Sports
Philadelphia Flyers relieved to learn that everyone else can see Gritty too

NHL expands to Seattle after determining it is city furthest away from Quebec City

Curling team kicked off ice for being too sober

Toronto Maple Leafs promise strong start to hockey season will not affect ability to lose playoffs
Business
- Business
Schick responds to Gillette’s #MeToo ad by releasing misogynistic razor

Johnson & Johnson claims asbestos in Baby Powder was benevolent attempt to fireproof world’s babies

Mobile phone game allows users to purchase ability to win

New winter boots promise to make your feet either extremely hot or a little wet
Culture
- Culture
- Lifestyle
- Health
- Opinion
- Parenting
- Stats
- Classifieds
- Comics
Film trailer boldly deploys “I Feel Good” by James Brown

Local man’s dog has better jacket than him

New homestyle restaurant just Lean Cuisines from the 90’s

5 Last-Minute holiday gifts for your parents that aren’t giving them grandchildren

Two weeks into diet, popcorn ceiling looking a little too delicious

Makeup-free woman actually is pretty tired, thank you for noticing

Addict says she can stop bullet journaling anytime

New fitness trend: Making it out of a forest alive

Diet based on food linked to early death

Intermittent fasting championed by miserable, starving man

Alcohol reports it’s giving YOU up for January

Cool aunt forces everyone to smoke pot this Christmas

I’m sorry, I don’t understand the question “if I was Prime Minister?”

EDITORIAL: Sex with no strings attached is killing my marionette fetish

I’ve never tried weed before so I’m just going to eat 3 or 4 of these brownies

This Legend of Zelda sword will surely prove a sound investment

Baby never happier than when vomiting

Sleep-deprived parent fondly remembers days of being sleep-deprived raver

BREAKING: Baby not done pooping

Son finds dad’s stash of old hardcore police chase videos

86% of August e-mail traffic just duelling Out-Of-Office messages

2014 Canadian Federal Budget Preview

Most frequent lies found on online dating profiles

What are you dressing up as for Halloween?

LOTS OF JARS FULL OF APRICOT PITS.

ESSAY WRITERS NEEDED ASAP. BIG MONEY $$$$$.

UNIVERSITY student seeking mannequin to come alive and be my girlfriend.

Bob the Angry Flower: Press This

Bob the Angry Flower: Revolt

Bob the Angry Flower: Rhetorical

Bob the Angry Flower: Bank Job
BeavFeed
We asked 7 kids to describe their imaginary friend and they all precisely described Gary Busey

Quiz: Hey you look like a smart person, do you want the chance to work for yourself and be your own boss?

Hottest New Year’s diet trend just looking in the mirror and saying ‘you’re a bad person and I don’t like you’

QUIZ: Can you name any of the newly elected United States congresswomen and why not?

You’re Jason Kenney. Can you find an excuse to get out of going to Calgary Pride?

You just lit off a bunch of fireworks before realizing you were in the Art Gallery of Ontario. Can you save the priceless pieces of art?

You magically turned into a bug! Can you live a happy and fulfilling life?

You have a chance to punch a Nazi. Do you take it?

Quiz: Hey you look like a smart person, do you want the chance to work for yourself and be your own boss?

QUIZ: Can you name any of the newly elected United States congresswomen and why not?

Quiz: Watching a Hallmark Christmas movie or trapped in an upper-middle class white person’s wet dream?

Quiz: Can you tell the difference between real Jewish holidays and ones we just made up but which might still be real, who knows

10 things Doug Ford has already used the notwithstanding clause on

6 rugs that are actually just clothes you left on the floor

5 effortless pottery overalls worn by calmer women than you

These 5 people now live in P.E.I. because they couldn’t pay the $47 Confederation Bridge toll

How To Go Vegan…Next Week

Guide To: Edmonton

Guide To: St.John’s

How To Lose Weight
Video
- Videos
- Full Episodes
Preview: ‘The Beaverton Year In Review 2018’ December 31 On CTV

Canadian Tire Money Truck Robbery Steals Almost $24

Preview: ‘The Beaverton Ruins Your Holidays Special’ December 20 On CTV

What is the #1 reason Canadians cry out in agony?

Watch: Season 2, Episode 13

Watch: Season 2, Episode 12
Podcasts
- The Beaverton Weekly Report
Trans activists make absurd demand to be treated like human beings

Doug Ford demands Green Party apologize for letting Oshawa GM Plant close

St. Michael’s principal promises to restore school to acceptable levels of toxic masculinity

The Beaverton will pay whatever it takes to not see Tony Clement’s dick
The Book

Tag: black Friday

Video, You Have To Be Canadian To Get It: Presented by CIRA

- November 22, 2018

What is the #1 reason Canadians cry out in agony?

Presented by .CA Get your .CA domain name at choose.ca…

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