“Extracting a cult member is notoriously difficult, managing to do it after joining the cult itself is almost unheard of,” says cult expert Joanie Gorski. “This is one for the history books. Or at least several dozen podcasts.”
The Cult of Windsor, which in its current form dates back to 1917, is known for being insular and territorial. Along with documented instances of incest and the grooming of teenage brides, accusations of pedophilia have also recently been leveled against a highly placed member of the organization.
“The problem with extracting someone raised in a cult is that they don’t understand that how they live isn’t normal or healthy,” Gorski says. “But when you think about it, someone who has navigated the equally toxic environment of Hollywood is ideally suited to the task.”
“And of course, deprogramming is always easier when most of the other members of the cult seem to be massive wankers.”
At press time, Buckingham Palace had released a terse statement denying that the Windsor family ever contained a member named Harry.