OAKVILLE, ON – An Ontario judge has granted sole physical custody to her divorced parent’s iPhone 9, which was deemed to be the only thing that helped raise the child.
After a lengthy legal battle, Judge Heather Morgan determined that the smartphone was the only guardian that showed interest and care in the 3-year-old Ophelia Grant’s needs.
“Taking into consideration the best interest of the child, the smartphone has brought stability to the home environment,” decreed the judge. “Neither the mother or father has shown a genuine interest or care when parenting becomes difficult. It is more than evident that the parenting was left to the stalwart and compassionate device ever since the child started to grab things.”
The parents, Jessica Sears and Harold Grant, could not provide the necessary apps to engage their child like the one with the animal sounds or the one that sings the annoying lullabies ad nauseum, said the judge.
The ruling also recognized that the smartphone’s partner, the iPad, has also played a crucial role in rearing the child especially in its ability to play Paw Patrol.
“The phone and pad couple was always there for Ophelia, whether it was calming a fit in a restaurant or a distraction on a long car-ride,” said the judge. “The biological parents are hereby ordered to pay $3,000 in child support, which roughly covers the cost of a monthly cellphone bill in Canada.”
Back at home, the youngster celebrated by dropping her parent into the toilet.
