OTTAWA – Canadians paused for a moment this morning to collectively think about the fact that we are the subjects of a Queen chosen by God to rule us, before immediately shrugging our shoulders and going about our day.
“I was paying for my coffee and I took out a twenty, just like I do all the time,” said Jeff Farnsworth of Regina. “But for whatever reason today I actually thought about the fact that this stern old woman is on my money because she is my Queen. It’s 2019 and I have a Queen. A Queen!”
“Generally speaking I think Canada is a pretty modern society, but about once a year I remember we’re basically living in the middle ages or a fairytale.”
Though the Monarchy, and Canada’s connection to it, is nowhere near as powerful as it once was, it still undeniably exists. Which is truly fucking bewildering during the 2 minutes a year anyone thinks about it.
“I just assumed that somewhere between the time Season 2 of the Crown takes place and today we got rid of it, but I guess we never got around to it?” said PM Justin Trudeau.
Canadians throughout the country had similar sudden moments of ‘oh shit, those British people are our royals too’ today. Whether it was playing hockey in a small town arena, glancing at the cover of US Magazine, or being informed that the Queen would be invoking her right of Prima Nocta on their wedding night.
“I guess being so far away it’s just hard to remember,” added Farnsworth. “British people never forget they’re part of a monarchy because the Royal Family lives right there. And also the Divine Right of Kings must sound pretty good when you look at what their elected politicians have done.”