TORONTO – In an effort to demonstrate Canada’s superior gun laws and protection of its citizens, local man Jared Wilson chided his American friend for not having smaller scale mass shootings like the ones that occurred last weekend in Canada’s largest city.
“Canadians don’t have the same kind of gun violence that Americans do,” Wilson sermoned to his friend Patrick Romano of New York who was visiting Toronto. “Instead of targeting a bunch of complete strangers, our shooters recklessly endanger complete strangers they’re not trying to hit. I can assure you the victims feel better knowing that.”
The 35-year-old accountant further criticized the US laws for making a deadly weapon like the AR-15 assault rifle widely available instead of semi-automatic handguns, which people can still buy and own in Canada.
“It’s disgusting so many politicians in the US are in the pocket of the NRA,” said Wilson. “Canadians know inaction on gun violence should be the result of an innate complacency.
Wilson then recommended that the solution to all of America’s gun obsessed culture is to compare itself to a country that has a violent gun record and ignore the communities where any gun violence occurs.
“Plus, a Michael Moore documentary that confirms gun violence doesn’t exist in your country is a real boost to the ego,” added Wilson to an already bored looking Romano.