VANCOUVER – Based on evidence discovered in a weekly, semi-formal, update email from your aging father, experts believe he may be curious about and in the process of learning more about the…
Month: October 2018
100% of Canada’s Halloween candy suddenly eaten today
OTTAWA – For reasons as yet unknown, the nation has abruptly consumed every last piece of Halloween candy, almost two weeks before trick-or-treating is set to commence, succumbing to an acu…
Canada sure all the other countries can tell it’s high
CANADA—Canada has repeatedly confirmed to numerous sources that “everybody else for sure knows” it is “absolutely flying, guys.” The 151-year-old nation, which today legalized the recreational us…
Local man willing to do anything that doesn’t affect his daily life to stop climate change
Luke and the Panel (Rebecca Reeds, Craig Fay and Andrew Ivimey) ask the important question: you ever listen to a podcast ON WEED? They talk the media hype over weed legalization (2:00), the vastl…
Dozens die in cannabis legalization joke overdoses
OTTAWA – Dozens of Canadians are reportedly dead and thousands of others have been hospitalized after consuming a deadly amount of cannabis-related jokes immediately after pot became legal.…
Youtube outage forces millions to stay focused, accomplish tasks
SAN BRUNO, CA – Panic spread across the globe as millions of procrastinators discovered that Youtube had suffered an outage and they would have to spend a part of the evening finishing work they …
Pride Toronto willing to do anything to get gay icon Doug Ford to join parade
TORONTO – Following an announcement by Ontario’s sickeningly fabulous Premier Doug Ford that he would only march in Pride Toronto’s annual parade if police are also allowed to m…
Hate group sticking with stupid name “Proud Boys”
NEW YORK CITY – Despite mounting pressure from other hate groups, the self described, ”pro-Western fraternal organization,” Proud Boys, will be sticking with that incredibly stupid name. “A…
Royals fuck
LONDON, UK – Following much speculation about the bedroom activities of royal family members Prince Harry and Meghan Markle, the couple’s Kensington Palace office recently confirmed that th…
Marijuana-sniffing dogs reassigned to Canada civil service
OTTAWA — With Canada’s upcoming legalization of marijuana, the Federal Government has reassigned dozens of former cannabis-sniffing dogs to work in various other ministries and departments.…
