BREAKING: New email reveals your dad is 'kinda curious about Drag Queens' - The Beaverton

BREAKING: New email reveals your dad is ‘kinda curious about Drag Queens’

VANCOUVER – Based on evidence discovered in a weekly, semi-formal, update email from your aging , experts believe he may be curious about and in the process of learning more about the subculture of queens.

“I was flippin’ through the channels and wouldn’t you know it, I came upon this delightful, dazzling lady doing a very bouncy song and dance to Cindy Lauper. And you and I both know how I feel about Cindy,” said your , in his familiar, paternal prose. “Your mom said she wanted to watch Rex Murphy, but I said hold your horses, Deb. This glitter gal is doing something pretty special here!”

“Sure, baby, I think it’s fine for papa to be into drag” clarified Chicago queen Lucy Stoole. “Condragulations! Welcome to the jungle, Daddy. Bring an umbrella, though, cause your wrinkly ass is gonna get WET!”

“I just think the wham, bam, thank you ma’am of pop songs meets gender politics is a real noodle-sizzler. Fierce! Smash the patriarchy, right?!” continued your father, parroting terms he was 0% qualified to use. “Now I’m not saying I’m trading in my slacks for a sequined gown and a pair of chicken cutlets, but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t think I’d make one heck of a glamazon! I don’t know if you remember, but I think I might have already ‘popped my drag cherry’ that time I borrowed your mother’s shawl at the beach in Tofino to put on my legs because I was cold. Anyways, it’s time for me to sashay away and go walk the dog. I love you!”

At press time your dad was still on the phone with Microsoft Outlook tech support, attempting to change his email signature to “Slay, bitch!”