Irving, TX – Oil industry insiders say that an alarming climate change report has been received by one of the top waste baskets in Exxon’s largest narcotic lounge.
“It is imperative that we reduce greenhouse emissions,” said the thrown-away report as three junior executives snorted primo blow directly into their brains nearby. “It’s time to work together.”
The report, which contains dire warnings, undeniable sources, cocaine residue, and several shards of broken glass from when Barry dropped his mirror, is thought to be the most damning document yet to occupy the trash of the conference room the head of marketing nicknamed “White Castle”.
“As temperatures rise we are seeing an increase in extreme weather events,” read a page covered in $500 worth of caviar. “Unless business leaders take responsibility the world will never recover.”
At press time, one of Exxon’s VPs had retrieved the important report from the trash because he needed something to mop up his own vomit.
