ONTARIO – Ontario Premier Kathleen Wynne has shocked critics following a recent Angus Reid poll that shows high election support from those voters who are Kathleen Wynne.
“Even amidst all the stories about how massively unpopular she is, this poll just goes to show that she does enjoy overwhelming support in certain pockets of the population,” said Liberal political analyst, Nancy Scott, “and in this case, those pockets appear to be localized entirely within Kathleen Wynne.”
The poll was designed to predict the outcome of the provincial election if it was held today and simply asked participants the likelihood of them voting for Wynne in the next election. While 99.999999% of respondents checked the box marked “Not Kathleen Wynne. Never. Oh god, never”, a majority of voters who were Ontario Premier Kathleen Wynne checked off “moderate to high likelihood.
“We may have lost the youth, elderly, college educated, francophone, immigrant, gay, Jewish, Christian, Muslim, Indigenous, urban, rural, business, women, farmer, middle-class, and Ontarian votes, but the all-important Kathleen Wynne vote is still firmly in our grasp,” said a Wynne campaign manager who mentioned that she is voting NDP.
Wynne supporters credit the success to the millions of dollars the Liberals have spent trying to court Wynne to vote for Wynne. It has been suggested that the recent campaign promise to cut taxes on bifocals and jogging equipment finally clinched the decision.
However, pollsters caution against reading too much into the poll, since Kathleen Wynne has been notoriously fickle in the past and may be inclined to change her voting preference as the campaign continues. As well, critics point out that as the poll was expanded outward to include close personal friends and family of Wynne, the support dropped precipitously. Answers given by voters who are Kathleen Wynne’s wife and children suggested most planned on taking a wait-and-see approach.
“I’m just so pleased to hear the news that those voters who are me are still firmly on Team Wynne!” Kathleen Wynne proclaimed in response to the poll, “It’s rewarding to see that the good work I have done for the province is recognized by myself.”
Unfortunately Wynne doesn’t have 100% of the Kathleen Wynne vote after a Kathleen Wynne in Peterborough revealed her intention to vote Green.
In related news, Provincial Conservative candidate Doug Ford has announced that he will not be voting in the upcoming election as he has a family barbecue planned that same day.