WASHINGTON D.C. – President Donald Trump has threatened to tariff Canadian goods as a means of forcing Canadians to address circumstances that would cause future forest wildfires, a tactic …
Tag: climate change
Meet the Canadian civil servant responsible for sending our wildfire smoke to the U.S.
With wildfire smoke drifting down from Canada into Michigan, New York and other states, numerous Americans have once again taken to social media to complain about Canada ruining their summers and…
The “so much for global warming” guy at work is having a hell of a month
HAMILTON, ON — Brad Hadley, 39, better known as the “so much for global warming” guy at his workplace, is having his best winter ever. Hadley has been enjoying record levels of smug satisfaction …
Couple trying for child despite world
BURLINGTON, ON – Ignoring their shared dread, local couple Sarah and Aiden Hillson, 31, announced plans Thursday to bring a new human life into the world, despite a nagging foreboding that …
Environmentalist pretends to be concerned about Alberta separating
VICTORIA, BC – Following Alberta Premier Danielle Smith’s continued threats about separating from the rest of Canada, local climate change scientist Debra Grimmlet is having a hard ti…
Poilievre promises if elected, climate change will be the least of our worries
OTTAWA – Facing criticism for not having any plans to combat the climate crisis, opposition leader Pierre Poilievre has promised that if he becomes Prime Minister, “the country will b…
Earth’s 2024 life hacks to be the hottest year ever
Earth, Milky Way – Earth has finally revealed the biggest life hacks it’s using to make 2024 its hottest year ever. Earth has taken millennia to develop the ideal morning routine. While it…
Danielle Smith unveils Sovereignty Act Precogs able to tell when federal laws are unconstitutional before they pass
EDMONTON – Alberta Premier Danielle Smith responded to criticism over her use of the Sovereignty Act to try to disqualify federal clean energy regulations that aren’t in place yet by …
Homeowner open to any solution to housing crisis that doesn’t raise property taxes or lower property values
Oakville, ON – Local man Nicholas Burnaby says that, as a homeowner, he would be happy to see any solution implemented that helps people afford to buy and rent necessary housing as long as …
Forest fires across Canada kick off annual Dystopian Hellscape season
QUEBEC CITY – From orange skies at midday and the hacking cough of ash-filled lungs, to hectares of scorched forest and the eerie lingering odour of “downtown ghost campfire,” the familiar …
