OTTAWA – Canadians from all across the country came together to celebrate Canadian Film Day by digging their old VHS copies of 1981 sex comedy Porky’s out from storage.
“Porky’s wasn’t my first choice to celebrate this important holiday,” said Melissa Guthridge of P.E.I. “but I don’t own any other Canadian movies and the movie theatre was only playing Boss Baby and that Morgan Freeman movie about robbing a bank before you die.”
“So I figured I would see how well the sexually charged hijinks of Porky’s has aged. The answer is: not well. Not well at all.”
In houses from Newfoundland to Victoria cabinets were picked through, boxes were brought up from the basement, and attics were opened up, all in search of a movie about sexual predators spying on women and putting their penises through holes which is, disturbingly, the highest grossing Canadian movie of all time after adjusting for inflation.
“Hey Howard did you know Kim Catrall was in this?!” yelled Kathleen Shipman of Red Deer up the stairs to her husband.
“What?” he responded.
“Kim Catrall!” she yelled louder.
“Oh,” he replied.
At press time 15% Canadians had dug down deep into their VHS storage and also retrieved copies of Cube, Meatballs, and Don Cherry’s Rock ‘Em Sock’ Em Hockey Vol. 4 to try and keep Canadian Film Day going. The other 85% of Canadians had discovered their VCR no longer worked.