Team: Toronto Maple Leafs
Mascot: An empty Platinum level seat
2013-14 Season: The Leafs managed to take the dramatic third period collapse in their Game 7 loss to the Bruins from the previous year, and stretched that feeling out over an entire season.
Key Additions:
New assistant coaching staff to look on helplessly as inexplicably re-hired head coach Randy Carlyle continues to dress an enforcer line.
8th overall draft pick William Nylander has a good chance to make the team if he can bulk up and his Swedish language pop career doesn’t take off.
Newly hired team president Brendan Shanahan will look in shape enough to make fans wonder why the Leafs can’t just play him.
An assistant GM who doesn’t think advanced stats are a way for the devil to trick you into selling your soul to him.
Strengths:
All the money.
A dynamic first line lead by Phil “the thrill” Kessel, who is single handedly changing notions of what an athlete’s body looks like.
So much defensive depth that you will spend most of the season wondering who any of these guys are.
Weaknesses:
Many of the players they used their money on.
Carlyle sometimes forgets to play a goalie.
30% of practice time is spent just staring at Joffrey Lupul.
Nazem Kadri, who continues to give fans hope even after Carlyle told him to quit it.
X Factor:
Can the Leafs convince the NHL to let them skip the 2nd half of the season?
Trade rumours:
James Reimer for a sign that reads “please don’t score on us”.
David Clarkson for the kind of tough, scoring winger the Leafs signed David Clarkson to be.
Quotes from players and management:
“To win this year we just need to go out there and play our game. Just let the opposing team dominate puck possession all night, and fire shot after shot on our net, then hope they get tired out and we can sneak in an odd man rush or two. That is Maple Leafs Hockey.”
– Captain Dion Phaneuf.
Predicted finish: 25-14-2 (first half) 0-100000-0 (second half)
