Well, here we are: after ignoring years of warnings that replacing warehouse workers and restaurant employees with robots was only the beginning, we’re now at the point where those entering the j…
Tag: tech
Twitter bans journalists for failing to report on how much Elon Musk supports free speech
SAN FRANCISCO – Several prominent journalists have found their Twitter accounts permanently suspended under grounds that they spent insufficient time reporting on how Twitter CEO Elon Musk …
Musk makes twitter profitable by charging users $8 to leave
SAN FRANCISCO – Newly minted Twitter owner Elon Musk has announced an ambitious plan to generate profit for the first time in company history by charging its users a fee to quit the site. A…
BREAKING: This man can explain why he invested in NFTs but not what an NFT is
TORONTO – Scientists in Toronto have made a startling discovery this week: local man Josh Clybourne is able to justify at length why he invested in NFTs, but seems physically incapable of d…
Toronto is now North America’s Third-Largest Tech Douchebag Hub
TORONTO, ON – Citizens were overjoyed when earlier this week, the New York Times ranked Toronto as North America’s third-largest hub of tech douchebags, nouveau riche jerkoffs, and self-imp…
Apple unveils single-use Macbook with zero ports
CUPERTINO — At today’s much anticipated Apple Event, Tim Cook stunned viewers by introducing their first-ever single-use Macbook, dubbed the Macbook Zero. During his Keynote address, Cook address…
Local cellphone loves lying about how much battery is left
KITIMAT, BC – A cellphone owned by local Elaine Jorgensen takes great delight in deceiving its owner in how much battery power remains by shutting off at the worst time possible, regardless…
Rogers hits customers with “entertainment tax” after wild week of corporate shenanigans
TORONTO — Yesterday Rogers hit customers with an Entertainment Tax after a wild week of very public corporate shenanigans drew comparisons to prestige dramas Succession and Game of Thrones.…
Scientists give up on artificial intelligence, begin work on artificial stupidity
Cambridge, Massachusetts ― A team of engineers at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology unveiled the world’s first artificial stupidity prototype yesterday. They have dubbed their project the…
4-year old tab closed, never read
NORTH BAY, ON – On Sunday, William Herd finally closed a browser tab he had opened four years ago. The tab contained a long-read from ProPublica on what the world can expect from a Trump pr…