EDMONTON – The Canadian national junior team has won gold at the 2022 World Juniors, prompting countless hockey fans across the country to not celebrate until they’re sure it’s appropriate. After…
Tag: Team Canada
Team Canada to be divided based on petty regional differences
OTTAWA – The Canadian Olympic Committee announced the 2020 Olympic team will be divided into several separate teams based on petty regional differences and long standing disputes between pr…
Canadian holiday tradition of angrily berating teenagers continues
OSTRAVA, CZ – The long-held Canadian holiday tradition of berating 16-to 19-year-olds for losing a hockey game started a few days earlier this year. Fervent displays of the holiday spirit d…
Canada’s men’s hockey team could not bear the shame of defeat, so they had a zamboni run them over
One of the amazing things about the Olympics is the emotional journey it takes us on. For every gold medal triumph, there is heartbreaking disappointment. After losing to Germany in the semifinal…
Act of Sportsmanship: Canada’s women curlers allow others to beat them so less popular countries could medal
PYEONGCHANG – For the first time in Canadian Olympic history, Canada’s women curlers will not be returning with a medal as the team decided to allow other countries a chance to win an Olymp…
Canada wins gold in slush puddle long jump
PYEONGCHANG – Canada has added another Olympic gold medal to its count after a Toronto woman leapt a record-setting 3.21m over a large slush puddle at the Gangneung Pedestrian Crossing Cour…
What’s-His-Face, That Guy named to Canadian Olympic men’s hockey team
TORONTO – Team Canada has announced its men’s Olympic hockey roster which includes such notable players as What’s-His-Face, That Guy, and Him. “We have a very talented, hard-working team,” …
World Cup of Hockey won by plucky, Canadian overdogs
TORONTO – Coming from ahead and proving to the world that they are exactly what everyone says they are, team Canada has confirmed the odds were accurate by attaining a completely expected v…
Canadian athletes return from Rio to minimum wage jobs
TORONTO – After a strong performance in the Rio Olympics, Team Canada’s athletes have returned home to glory, accolades, and numerous retail positions. “Get out of my way! My shift at Tim H…
Canadian child dreams of one day winning an Olympic bronze medal
BURLINGTON, ON – After witnessing Team Canada’s performance at the Rio Olympic Games, budding amateur athlete Karen Herder has been inspired to chase her dream of one day bringing home a br…