RIO DE JANEIRO – In a somber moment during the opening ceremonies for the Rio de Janeiro Olympic Games, a memorial video played in tribute to all the athletes expected to die in the coming weeks.…
Tag: Team Canada
September 28, 1972: Paul Henderson’s goal causes World War III
MOSCOW — Team Canada’s Paul Henderson’s game winning goal against the Soviet Union in the Summit Series has unleashed a nuclear apocalypse against the West. Immediately after Henderson reco…
PAN AM UPDATE: CANADA WINS GREEN IN WATER HOCKEY
TORONTO – After a breathtaking match against Suriname, the Canadian water hockey team has surged to victory, claiming Canada’s first green ribbon in the 2015 Pan Am Games. “We went out ther…
How can Team Canada get into the next World Cup?
Canada has not made the World Cup since 1986. How can Team Canada make the next one? 1. Call it football – not soccer – like everybody else 2. Out-bribe the highest FIFA bidder 3. Wai…
Olympics update: HOCKEY HOCKEY HOCKEY HOCKEY HOCKEY HOCKEY HOCKEY HOCKEY HOCKEY
SOCHI, RUSSIA – HOCKEY HOCKEY HOCKEY HOCKEY HOCKEY HOCKEY HOCKEY HOCKEY HOCKEY HOCKEY HOCKEY HOCKEY HOCKEY HOCKEY HOCKEY HOCKEY HOCKEY HOCKEY HOCKEY HOCKEY HOCKEY HOCKEY HOCKEY HOCKEY HOCKE…
Canadian women’s hockey team apologizes for comeback
SOCHI, RUSSIA – The Canadian women’s hockey team captured gold in a stunning overtime win over the Americans and promptly apologized for the comeback victory. “We’re real sorry …
Team Canada fails to medal at Opening Olympic Ceremonies again
SOCHI – For the 22nd time in Winter Olympic history, Team Canada has failed to win a medal on the opening ceremonies event. “It’s really disappointing that we couldn’t mak…
Olympic luger can’t wait to luge the fuckin’ luge out of luge track
Canadian Olympic Luger Mitchel Malyk announced today that he was “totally luged-up” to perform in the one-man luge at the upcoming 2014 Sochi Winter Olympics. “Honestly, I’ve been luging my whole…
Poll: Canadians overwhelmingly in favour of Olympic hockey team overthrowing, leading government
Following today’s’ Team Canada 2014 Olympic hockey roster announcement, Canadians polled support the team of top athletes toppling the current Canadian government, and subsequently leading the co…
World Juniors: Aggressive Canadians playing as if opponents have universal healthcare
UFA, RUSSIA – Despite their successful start to the 2012-2013 World Junior Hockey Tournament, Team Canada has been put on the defensive over accusations by other teams that they play with l…