VATICAN CITY – As Canadians and Indigenous Peoples demand accountability and remorse from the Catholic Church for their role in the genocidal Residential Schools institutions that Canada op…
Tag: Pope Francis
Pope Francis prays for someone to take responsibility for Catholic residential schools
THE HOLY SEE – The leader of the Catholic Church, Pope Francis I, made a special prayer to victims of Canada’s residential schools during his monthly intentions. “We are asking the Almighty…
Vatican won’t bless gay marriage: “God wants gays to have a consensual poly arrangement”
VATICAN CITY – The Vatican has announced their official position that they cannot bless same-sex marriage due to the fact that trapping gay people within an outdated heteronormative institu…
Pope Francis supports gay civil unions in an attempt to bring Catholicism into the ‘90s
VATICAN CITY – Speaking in a new documentary, Pope Francis has revealed his support for legal recognition of same-sex civil unions as part of his revolutionary plan to make the Roman Cathol…
Catholic Church assures billionaires that none of their Notre Dame donations will go to poor
VATICAN CITY — Speaking to the handful of billionaires, CEO’s, and corporations that had immediately donated billions of dollars to rebuild the burned Notre Dame Cathedral, Pope Francis ass…
Breaking: Pope on balcony just to hack a dart
VATICAN CITY – Gathering in the thousands to hear him speak, parishioners were disappointed this Good Friday when Pope Francis came out on to the papal balcony just to open up a pack of Bel…
In wake of sex abuse report, Catholic priests relieved God not actually real
PHILADELPHIA — Following a Pennsylvania grand jury report which detailed decades of sexual abuses by priests and cover-ups by bishops, the world’s Catholic priests are expressing relief tha…
Pope denounces inhumane death penalty in favour of endless demonic torture
VATICAN CITY – Changing the Catholic Church’s position on capital punishment, Pope Francis has denounced the death penalty as inhumane and unacceptable in all cases, recommending instead ev…
Declining attendance leads Catholic Church to perform ‘ambush baptisms’
VATICAN CITY – In an effort to combat plummeting Catholic numbers, Pope Francis has okayed a program of ‘ambush baptisms’ to boost the church’s membership. “Let’s face it, between Vatican I…
Vatican City Olympic team stripped of medals after testing positive for performance-enhancing God
PYEONGCHANG – The Papal Olympic team is mired in controversy after a recent IOC test revealed the entire team has been using banned celestial beings during the 2018 Pyeongchang games. “When…