OTTAWA – Analysts tracking the ever growing list of actors, singers and the usual shady billionaires who want to buy the Ottawa Senators have concluded that they now outnumber the people wh…
Tag: Ottawa Senators
“No one said we’d be good this year” claims Sens fan who spent all summer saying team would be good this year
OTTAWA – Tired of being mocked for the team’s poor performance, Ottawa Senators fan David Martinson is reminding everyone that the team was expected to struggle, despite spending the …
Report: Sale of Ottawa Senators have many concerned team may move to Ottawa
KANATA, ON – Fans of the Ottawa Senators are worried the team may relocate to Ottawa instead of remaining in the suburb of Kanata. “I would be fine with Manotick, Greely, or even Prescott-R…
Humane society seizes Brendan Lemieux for biting
NEW YORK – The Humane Society has seized Los Angeles Kings forward Brendan Lemieux for biting another player last Saturday. The 25-year-old American breed was taken away by dog handlers usi…
RCMP warns of increased sectarian violence ahead of NHL’s new All-Canadian division
OTTAWA, ON – The RCMP has issued a Media Advisory warning Canadians of an increase in bloodshed, property damage and general assholery due to the NHL’s creation of an All-Canadian division,…
Study: Attending Ottawa Senators game best way to isolate self from coronavirus
OTTAWA – For those looking to quarantine themselves from the coronavirus, health officials are recommending attending any Ottawa Senators home game to escape crowds or any human contact. “O…
Eugene Melnyk spends entire press conference referring to team as “Houston Senators”
KANATA, ON – After a little more than a week after wrapping their 31st-place season, Ottawa Senators owner Eugene Melnyk held what was otherwise a routine press conference today about the t…
Ottawa Senators head into trade deadline looking to acquire dedicated fan base
OTTAWA – With the NHL’s trade deadline rapidly approaching, franchises are looking to improve the strength of their team by any means necessary. For the Ottawa Senators this means heading i…
Ottawa radio station still waiting for first caller to claim free Sens tickets
OTTAWA – Four days into a gruelling promotion, soft-rock radio station CKJP “The Buck” has yet to receive one caller in a contest for free tickets to an Ottawa Senators home game. The “Mike…
The Beaverton’s NHL preview 2017-2018
The biggest question in the 2017-2018 season is this: Will Canada snap it’s 23 year drought and finally bring Lord Stanley home? The Beaverton takes a look at each Canadian team’s chances: The Va…