Dallas, Texas —Amid growing concerns about the influence of the ultra-wealthy, billionaire Mark Cuban has issued a heartfelt plea via the jumbotron at the Dallas Mavericks stadium, “Not all billi…
Tag: money
Transparent plots to buy votes are cynical, effective, political scientists find
OTTAWA, ON ― A new survey of political scientists found broad consensus that financial giveaways are a both arrogant and very successful strategy to curry the favour of voters too shortsighted to…
Jesus announces even he can no longer save in this economy
PARADISE, NS ― In a new testament to the widespread challenges of inflation, Jesus Christ has admitted that he is really no longer in a position to save these days. “I used to devote my life to t…
CRA knows home office being used for non-work purposes, you fucking liar
OTTAWA — The Canada Revenue Agency confirmed this week that it is fully aware you’ve been using your home office for non-work purposes, you fucking liar. “Do you think we’re stupid? Are we just c…
Toronto Police advise banks to leave big pile of money at the door to avoid being robbed
TORONTO – In response to a growing rash of armed robberies throughout the city, Toronto Police advised Canada’s banks to leave a big pile of money at the door of every branch to avoid being…
RBC launches new Canadian Groceries Loan Program
TORONTO – At a press conference held outside Toronto’s Friendly Harvest Food Bank, RBC announced its latest financial offering: the new Canadian Groceries Loan Program. The program aims to …
Awesome: Your city just opened up a funky new food court where every meal costs 40 dollars
YOUR CITY – Great news! The city with skyrocketing rent prices, barely functional public transportation, and overcrowded hospitals just opened up a funky new upstairs food court with low li…
Millennials could save money just by making coffee at a Starbucks franchise they personally own
OTTAWA – A new report has discovered that Canadian Millennials can save an average of $1800 per year and dramatically improve their chances of home ownership simply by switching to making t…
“I’m glad inflation is finally under control,” says man on verge of losing house
MISSISSAUGA – In response to recent reports from the Bank of Canada, Canadians across the country are celebrating that inflation is finally under control, amongst them local man Bryan Fergu…
Friend has been rich this whole time
TORONTO – Local woman Maddy Humphries, 29, has discovered that her friend Kyla Mason, 28, has been hiding the fact that she is rich for the entirety of their 7 year friendship. “Kyla …
