There is literally nothing better than cancelling plans. Seriously. If you look up the word “orgasm” in the dictionary, it’s just a picture of someone texting, “Sorry, can we reschedule?” Unfortu…
Tag: friends
“Toronto is the most multicultural city in the world,” brags unicultural man to unicultural friends
TORONTO – Local white man Aaron Burton recently talked with his group of entirely white friends about how great it was to live in a city with so much diversity. “Multiculturalism is w…
Toronto friends plan to meet for coffee four months from now
TORONTO – After a chance encounter, long-time friends Sylvia Majersky and Lillian Silvers excitedly planned to meet for coffee 117 days from the day they both told each other they “absolutely” sh…
Friend group excited to spend all of Nuit Blanche trying to find each other
TORONTO – With Nuit Blanche expected to return for the first time since the pandemic, a local group of buddies is excited to spend the whole event unsuccessfully trying to meet up. “It’s go…
Weird! Everyone you know currently sick with the disease from that Pandemic that ended a while ago
Well this is odd! It seems that nearly every friend and family member in your life is currently testing positive for COVID-19, the disease from the 2020-2021 Pandemic. “I mean obviously bas…
Toronto man has visited friend who moved to London, UK more often than he has friend who moved to London, ON
TORONTO – Local man Matt Faskins has visited his friend in London, England more often than he has his friend in London, ON since each moved away 6 years ago. “Back in University me, S…
Edmonton man furious he actually does know ‘Steve from Toronto’ American acquaintance just asked about
CANCUN – Local man Garth Evers was beside himself to discover he actually does know the ‘Steve from Toronto’ this American he just met on vacation inquired about. “When he…
Canadian man spends entire summer inventing excuses for why he can’t go camping
Stratford, ON – Local man Eric Morgenstern will once again be spending his summer thinking of reasons why he can’t join friends on their upcoming camping trips. “Life would be s…
“Sorry my place is so messy!” says friend whose floor is cleaner than your only plate
KINGSTON, ON – In a moment that could only be described as “a heartbreaking revelation of her own filth,” local woman Amanda Gessele was welcomed into the home of college friend Suzanne Tuf…
Spouting off entire resume deemed acceptable response to “how’ve you been?”
TORONTO – As Canadians begin socializing in-person again, The Canadian Board of Acceptable Social Norms (CBASN) has added spouting off a detailed account of your entire resume, including re…