TORONTO – Local jewellery buyer Russell Oliver announced today that the TV advertisements for his gold-buying business, which have been running nonstop for the past decade, have successfull…
Tag: finance
Federal Budget 2013: A Closer Look
How will the Harper Government balance the budget in the next 10 years? The chart is interactive. Try mousing over the slices or legend entries.…
First Nations audit of Federal Government reveals billions in mismanaged funds
OTTAWA – The Canadian Government has been mismanaging funds for over 140 years according to a damaging audit commissioned by the First Nations released this morning. The audit, conducted by…
Four bankers killed after giant novelty cheque bounces
MISSISSAUGA, ON – After receiving a deposit from a charity golf tournament, four Bank of Montreal employees found out the endorser had insufficient funds the hard way. Two tellers, a mortgage con…
Canadian penny gets the boot
Ottawa will phase out the Canadian penny later this year because it costs 1.6 Canadian cents to produce each coin. What’s your say? “This might be the big break my uncle needs to create int…
Anybody want to come over this weekend to help me balance the budget?
By Finance Minister Jim Flaherty Hey hey it’s that time of year again! Old J Flarez is throwing another one of his EPIC help-me-balance-the-budget parties. This party is going to be off the…
Crips leaders accused of insider ganging
COMPTON, LA – Following the release of a tell-all exposé that surfaced earlier this week, leaders of the revered street gang the Crips are under investigation for insider ganging. In the ex…
Snazzy business card fails to generate clients for asshole
CALGARY, AB – Despite purchasing a set of colourful, die-cut, embossed, holographic business cards, local real-estate agent and complete asshole Derick Fineley observed no noticeable increa…
Canadian Tire dollar reaches parity with U.S. dollar
OTTAWA – As the U.S. greenback continues to tumble amidst growing uncertainty over the American debt crisis, the Canadian Tire dollar made incredibly strong gains this week, closing today a…