TORONTO – Local jewellery buyer Russell Oliver announced today that the TV advertisements for his gold-buying business, which have been running nonstop for the past decade, have successfully brought in their first client.
The set of 30-second commercials have consistently repulsed potential customers. But last week they finally resonated with North York resident Michael Lem, who visited Oliver’s store shortly thereafter.
“Those hot chicks dancing and him waving those bills around, man, that’s comedy gold,” Lem said. “And the one where he has a dollar sign on his chest? That’s brilliant! That’s like the Superman ‘S’!”
“I wouldn’t have sold my family heirlooms for half their true value to anyone else,” Lem added.
Oliver beamed at his newfound success, attributing it to a “willingness to take risks.”
“They told me it was a bad idea to yell incessantly, paint my head silver and then run that ad with a nauseating frequency,” said Oliver while examining an engagement ring. “But I insisted. And look who’s laugh- 24 carats!”
“Oh yeah!” he added.
At press time, Lem had just placed orders for a Magic Bullet, bought a Time Share in the Caribbean and was in the process of bailing out a member of the Nigerian royal family.