VANCOUVER – The B.C. College of Chiropractors, firmly rejecting the scientific method in favor of treatment by loud bone-cracking sounds, voted overwhelmingly against a vaccine mandate at t…
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Unvaccinated Toronto Police officers on unpaid leave told that if they wanted paid leave they should have shot somebody
TORONTO – Over one hundred uniformed members of the Toronto Police Services who have not been vaccinated have been placed on unpaid leave after being informed they did not meet the brutalit…
Single drop of sweat falls down local dad’s face as he tells daycare worker his child doesn’t have runny nose
TORONTO – As local father Jalen Hart told the worker asking COVID checklist questions at the front entrance of the Little Tot’s Playhouse daycare that his child Marcus did not have a …
Canadian mothers reject Omicron variant: “We have perfectly good Delta at home!”
CANADA – Canadian mothers are soundly rejecting the new Omicron variant spreading across the globe on the grounds that we already have more than enough Delta variant at home. “The man on t…
Man who owns rug sick of friends always asking for help moving bodies
CALGARY – Local accountant David Summerson is tired of his friends continually expecting him to assist them in body disposal ever since he purchased a long, thick rug. “I didn’t realize how…
“I can’t turn down this deal,” says man buying eight grand pianos for the price of seven
EDMONTON – Local sources report that shopper Dan Hibbert has been talked into buying a bulk pack of Yamaha C7X Grand Pianos. “My wife’s going to kill me for making such a large purchase without …
Ontario case numbers going up even though Ford asked them nicely not to
TORONTO – Ontario Premier Doug Ford is facing blame for the recent rise in COVID-19 case numbers, despite his valiant effort telling the new cases to “tone it down a bit, if you don’t mind.…
Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade ends in horror when robe of Baby Yoda balloon falls open, revealing massive genitalia
NEW YORK CITY – Cheers turned to screams today at Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade when a robe malfunction resulted in the Baby Yoda balloon exposing his no-longer-private parts to thousands …
Canadian media promise to start reporting on RCMP raiding Wet’suwet’en territory once a few more American celebrities tweet about it
OTTAWA – Members of Canada’s national and local press are assuring Canadians that they will start to cover the RCMP’s violent and quite possibly illegal raid on sovereign Wet…
Liberals change date and add “for realsies this time” to throne speech
OTTAWA – In the midst of another turbulent year for Canada, Justin Trudeau has put forward a bold legislative vision in his latest throne speech by adding “and this time we’re totes going to do i…
