Whitby, ON – Local father Winston Brown, who has always insisted his family arrive at Toronto Pearson airport no less than 6 hours before their flight’s scheduled departure time, took…
Tag: father
5 Father’s Day gifts that scream, “Go to therapy, for the love of God!”
There’s no shortage of Father’s Day gifts out there that say “you’re the best!”, “#1 Dad!”, and “[golf pun]”! But where are you supposed to find a gift that says “please feel your feelings”? Loo…
Dads everywhere emerge from 8-month hibernation for lawn mowing season
RICHMOND, BC – It’s that time of year again – dads across the country have awoken from their long winter’s naps to gripe about how overgrown their lawns have gotten. Local graphic des…
Local father relies on tattoo to remind himself of children’s names
CALGARY, AB – Local resident, George Bronson, recently got a large chest tattoo to commemorate his beautiful children, which will also serve as a daily reminder of whatever-the-hell their n…
Local father sad there’s only two months left to lecture about the importance of snow tires
Belleville, ON – After realizing that it was already late February, local road safety enthusiast and self described father, Hank Jebbs was heartbroken that there is only another two months …
Local child realizes Dad unable to beat up any other dads
WINDSOR, ON – Local 4th grader Tommy Watson has come to realize that, despite his previous boasting, his father James is the weakest dad in town and would stand little chance in confrontati…
Advancement in field of weighted blankets allows covers to choke you slightly, call you daddy
WATERLOO, ON – At a press conference held last Thursday, weighted blanket startup Consensual Crushing announced its new line of adult bedspreads featuring the ability to choke users while e…
“I couldn’t imagine life without my kids,” says man who looks like complete shit
REGINA – Local man Edward Thompson has told friends, family and several strangers at a Starbucks that life is meaningless without kids, all while looking like an exhausted drug addict who i…
BREAKING: New email reveals your dad is ‘kinda curious about Drag Queens’
VANCOUVER – Based on evidence discovered in a weekly, semi-formal, update email from your aging father, experts believe he may be curious about and in the process of learning more about the…
Pride weekend leaves local father struggling to accept that his bank is gay
TORONTO – In the wake of Pride weekend celebrations, Canada’s LGBTQ communities are entering the week with a renewed sense of solidarity and purpose. But the events of the weekend have also left …