NEW YORK – In a move that supporters insist shows he’s not the racist critics accuse him of being, U.S. President–elect Donald Trump has offered the nation’s Secretary of Housing and Urban Develo…
Tag: Donald Trump
BREAKING: Standing Rock protesters win anti-pipeline victory, ruining 2016’s perfect misery streak
STANDING ROCK, ND — The Army Corp of Engineers has announced they will deny permits for the Dakota Access Pipeline, representing a victory for the Standing Rock protesters and a lone bright…
Trump explodes
NYC – At approximately 11:30 am this morning, celebrity, businessperson, and president-elect Donald Trump exploded. “It’s really very unfortunate,” said Melania Trump, the future First Lady. “He’…
Homegrown Canadian racists determined to compete with flashier American racists
OTTAWA – Following the events of the US election, Canada’s homegrown and indie racists are determined to not have their hateful efforts overshadowed by the behemoth to the south. “People ar…
You just said something unintentionally racist. Can you get out of it?
You’re not a racist (we assume). But you just said something that you realize came across super racist. Are you able to use your wits and guile to erase the social damage this will cause yo…
Trump strategist Bannon claims anti-semitism charges against him are just a global Zionist conspiracy
WASHINGTON, D.C. – After being appointed President-elect Trump’s chief advisor, equal in power to the chief of staff, Breitbart News chairman Steve Bannon is claiming that the anti-semitism…
Kellie Leitch initiates diplomatic relations with Trump by borrowing dog whistle
OTTAWA — In a symbolic gesture aimed at demonstrating the “shared values” she hopes will serve as the foundation of strong diplomatic relations between her party and U.S. President-elect Do…
The Donald Trump apocalypse begins
In this special preview of The Beaverton‘s first episode, Emma Hunter and Miguel Rivas provide complete coverage of the 2016 Presidential election. Donald Trump has won the Presidenc…
Nation’s parents wake up to tell kids elaborate, four-year lie
WASHINGTON, DC – After waking up and fretting this morning’s conversation at the breakfast table, approximately 150 million American parents stammered their way through roughly the exact sa…
Obituary for America
Sad news from Washington as the United States of America was found dead yesterday.…
